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Sheldon: Is there any reason you're keeping this dead goldfish?
Penny: Damn, I forgot to feed him and that I had him.
Sheldon: Well, now, did you also have a dog? Because I found what appears to be a battery-operated chew toy.
Penny: Party's over. Party's over.

If you'd let me pierce your brain with a hot needle in the right place you'd be happy all the time.


Bernadette's diary has some saucy bits.


Amy: Used me as a human shield?
Sheldon: I panicked. He looked taller than usual.

Sheldon, I swear to God I'm going to kill you.


Howard: It's ridiculous that we still have to walk up all these stairs.
Bernadette: Yeah, try doing it in heels.
Howard: I am.

My shirt is itchy and I wish I were dead.


I can't tell you that. I'm bound by closet organizer/organizee confidentiality.


I told you you shouldn't have espresso after dinner. I know the little cups make you feel big but it's not worth it.

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