The Big Bang Theory

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The big bang theory
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Sheldon

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?" The bartender says, "For you? No charge."

Sheldon

Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip? To get to the same side.

Sheldon

Sheldon: I recently had a dream that I was giant, but everything around me was to scale, so it all looked normal.
Leonard: How did you know you were a giant if everything was to scale?
Sheldon: I was wearing size "a million" pants.

Raj: These methods come from the ancient gurus of India, and have helped me conquer my own fears.
Sheldon: And yet you can't speak to women.
Raj: True, but thanks to meditation, I am able to stay in the same room with them without urinating.

Penny: So what do you say, Sheldon, are we your X-Men?
Sheldon: No, the X-Men were named for the "X" in "Charles Xavier." Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be my "C-Men."

Leonard: We think we can help you with your stage fright.
Sheldon: Oh, I doubt that. I haven't figured out a way, and I'm much smarter than all of you.
Penny: Yes, buy you're not smaller than all of us put together.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, that is what I meant.

Penny: I once got a pretty big honor in high school, and I was terrified about appearing in front of a big crowd, but I went through with it, and you know what? The world looked pretty darn good sitting on a haystack in the back of a Ford F-150 as a member of the corn queen's court.
Sheldon: Thank you. I'll bear that in mind if I'm ever nomianted for the hillbilly peace prize.

Leonard: What, to you, is a large crowd?
Sheldon: Any group big enough to trample me to death. General rule of thumb is 36 adults or 70 children.

Sheldon: I can't give a speech.
Wolowitz: No, you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time. What you can't do is shut up.
Raj: Before the movie, you did twenty minutes on why guacamole turns brown. It turned brown while you were talking.

Raj: In Avatar, when they have sex on pandora they hook up their ponytails, so we know that their ponytails are like their junk.
Wolowitz: Yeah, so?
Raj: So when they ride horses and fly on the birds, they also use their ponytails...
Wolowitz: What's your point?
Raj: My point is if I were a horse or a bird, I'd be very nervous around James Cameron.

Displaying all 11 quotes

The Big Bang Theory Season 3 Episode 18 Quotes

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a drink?" The bartender says, "For you? No charge."

Sheldon

Sheldon: I can't give a speech.
Wolowitz: No, you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time. What you can't do is shut up.
Raj: Before the movie, you did twenty minutes on why guacamole turns brown. It turned brown while you were talking.