Penny: I once got a pretty big honor in high school, and I was terrified about appearing in front of a big crowd, but I went through with it, and you know what? The world looked pretty darn good sitting on a haystack in the back of a Ford F-150 as a member of the corn queen's court.
Sheldon: Thank you. I'll bear that in mind if I'm ever nomianted for the hillbilly peace prize.

Leonard: What, to you, is a large crowd?
Sheldon: Any group big enough to trample me to death. General rule of thumb is 36 adults or 70 children.

Sheldon: I can't give a speech.
Wolowitz: No, you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time. What you can't do is shut up.
Raj: Before the movie, you did twenty minutes on why guacamole turns brown. It turned brown while you were talking.

Raj: In Avatar, when they have sex on pandora they hook up their ponytails, so we know that their ponytails are like their junk.
Wolowitz: Yeah, so?
Raj: So when they ride horses and fly on the birds, they also use their ponytails...
Wolowitz: What's your point?
Raj: My point is if I were a horse or a bird, I'd be very nervous around James Cameron.

I'm so glad we came to this gentile strip club! Howard, here's more bacon to tuck into the shiksa's g-string!

Raj [to Howard while on the phone with his mother]

Leonard: You want to talk endless patience? Penny made me watch all five seasons of Sex and the City.
Raj: Dude, there's six seasons.
Leonard: Oh crap.

Wolowitz: How's it feel to get beaten up by a girl?
Sheldon: It's not the first time. I have a twin sister whose assaults began in utero. If only I'd had the presence of mind to absorb her. Then I'd have a mole with hair in it, instead of a tedious yearly Christmas letter.

Leonard: It should go back to Peter Jackson. He made the movies; it belongs to him.
Wolowitz: Fine, he can have it back -- as long as he promises to make me a hobbit in his next movie.
Raj: There are no Jewish hobbits.
Wolowitz: Clearly, you've never been to my house for dinner on Rosh Hashana.

Okay, I'm just to go home and make a grilled cheese sandwich and window shop on eHarmony.

Penny

Here's Mr. T's head on Spock's body. I pity the fool that is illogical.

Leonard

Penny: Who's Adam West?
Sheldon: Who's Adam West!? Leonard, what do you talk about after the coitus?
Wolowitz: My guess is "four minutes, a new record!"

How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee the scientific foundations for inter-stellar flight on a silver surfboard when part of my brain will be scanning his face for signs of contagious skin disease?

Sheldon

TBBT Quotes

Oh, Bernadette, please play my clarinet.

Raj's poem

Sheldon: I'll have a diet Coke.
Penny: Can you please order a cocktail? I need to practice mixing drinks.
Sheldon: Fine... I'll have a virgin Cuba Libre.
Penny: That's... rum and Coke without the rum.
Sheldon: Yes, and would you make it diet?