I do not accept this. Everything is changing and I hate it. It stops now.

Sheldon

Amy: Maybe you'll love living alone.
Sheldon: I don't know. Perhaps.
Amy: And if it turns out you don't ... you and I could live together.
Sheldon: You and... Oh, sure. And while we're at it, why don't we get engaged, too? Why don't we get a little house, start a family? Enjoy our sunset years together? Do you hear yourself, woman?!
Amy: Sheldon, it was just a thought.
Sheldon: No. Here's a thought. You're not moving in, Leonard's not moving out, everything stays exactly the way it is.

Sheldon: Move across the hall?! Did you take a marijuana?!
Leonard: No, I did not.
Sheldon: Did you get hit on the head with a coconut?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Well, then, I'm all out of guesses.

Sheldon: She's spent many nights here, and you're worried about preserving the myth of her virginity before the wedding.
Leonard: I'm not.
Sheldon: Good, because not only has that ship sailed, if it hit an iceberg, countless men would perish.

Leonard's Mom: Leonard, would it make you feel better to hear that your mother approved of your life choices?
Leonard: Yes, it would.
Leonard's Mom: Yeah. Well, you should work on that.

Howie, I love you,and as your wife, your mother is every bit as much my problem as she is yours, so ... I want a divorce.

Bernadette

Raj: Boy, I'm so hungry today. I wonder why?
Howard: Because you had sex the other night?
Raj: You know what? That may be it. By the way, it isn't like riding a bike. Like, I fell off a few times.

Leonard: Penny and I have some big news.
Penny: We're engaged!
Raj: And I thought me having sex with Emily was gonna be the big news.

Welcome to Team Putz.

Howard [to Bernadette]

Penny: Where did you get a ring?
Leonard: I've... had it for a couple years, not important. Penny... will you marry me?
Penny: Oh, my God, yes.
Leonard: This would have been so much more romantic if you didn't have monkey hair on your finger.

Leonard: So, is that it? Are we engaged?
Penny: Yeah, I think so.
Leonard: All right.

Penny: Okay, it may look that way, but getting fired from that movie was the best thing that could have happened to me, okay? I finally realize I don't need to be famous or have some big career to be happy.
Leonard: Then what do you need?
Penny: You, you stupid Pop-Tart!

TBBT Quotes

Sheldon: Are you still mad about the sperm bank?
Leonard: No!
Sheldon: Do you want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?
Leonard: Not really.
Sheldon: If the height of a single step is off by as little as two millimeters most people will trip.
Leonard: I don't care—two millimeters?! That doesn't seem right.
Sheldon: No, it's true! I did a series of experiments when I was twelve; my father broke his clavicle.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon