The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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I used to live in those genitals. And if someone wants to move into my old room, I should at least get a vote.

Sheldon

Sheldon: Do you have any idea what it's like to see your mother ravaging someone?
Howard: Does a brisket count?

I saw my mommy with a naked man and she was trying to be a mommy again.

Sheldon

Penny: Who's the murderer?
Raj: Any question but that.
Penny: Sorry ... hey, who's not the murderer?

Penny: Are you going to lay on the floor and pretend to be dead all night?
Stuart: What do you think I'd do at home?

It's too late. He's been murdered by someone in this room.

Raj

Well, I told Howie if I wasn't busy I'd spend the night at his mom's. So for God's sake think of something.

Bernadette

He has a very sensitive butt. Well, it's true. I once saw him sit on a bunch of loose change and add it all up.

Leonard

Howard: Should we stop holding hands now?
Sheldon: In a minute.
Howard: Okay, good.

Penny: This isn't your car.
Leonard: I know. I thought we'd take yours.

"Let's just get this over with." Am I driving you to the Cheesecake Factory, or are we having sex?

Leonard

Oh, apple juice. Stay where you are.

Sheldon
Displaying quotes 181 - 192 of 1623 in total

TBBT Quotes

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.

Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that solves life's problems, and that's an Oreo. Or a Nutter Butter, if you're in a pinch.

Sheldon