Dr. Plimpton: What if there's a disaster that destroys all of the USB ports?
Sheldon: Then there's really no reason to live, is there?

Leonard: I think any university would want you -- except, of course, any university that had already had you, because they would have already wanted you, before they, you know, got you.
Sheldon: From the mind that brought you "hi-lo."

Dr. Cooper, thank goodness! I completely forgot your address, but then I remembered that I had written it on my hand. Lucky for me, I didn't confuse it with what I had written on my other hand, which were the coordinates for a newly-discovered neutron star, because if I tried to go there, I'd be crushed by hypergravity.

Dr. Plimpton

I have a lady friend who will be staying with me for a few days. I want her to feel at home; I also bought scented soaps, pantyhose, Midol, calcium chews, and what is apparently a yogurt specifically designed to regulate the female bowel.

Sheldon

Leonard: Are you planning on kidnapping a woman?
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Leonard: Yes, but mixed with a little bit of concern.

Don't let Goofy near him. He'll have nightmares, and I'll have to deal with it

Leonard

And now, as promised, the tangent. Sheldon and the Hell-hound. Or. How I Lost My Hot Dogs.

Sheldon

Raj: Do you think you'll go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork?
Wolowitz: Jews don't have Hell. We have acid reflux.

Does the elastic woman in "The Incredibles" use birth control or can she actually be a diaphragm.

Raj

Allegiance to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.

Sheldon

Sometimes your lack of social skills astonishes me.

Sheldon

It was a lot of work to accommodate you in my life. I'd hate to think that effort to be in vain.

Sheldon

The Big Bang Theory Season 3 Quotes

Yes, in 1917 when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper "Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung," his fondest hope was that the resultant device be bitchin'.

Sheldon

Leonard: The more the merrier.
Sheldon: That's a false equivalency, more does not equal merry. If there were two thousand people in this apartment, would we be celebrating? No, we'd be suffocating.