The Big Bang Theory

Thursdays 8:00 PM on CBS
The big bang theory
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Here's Mr. T's head on Spock's body. I pity the fool that is illogical.

Leonard

Penny: Who's Adam West?
Sheldon: Who's Adam West!? Leonard, what do you talk about after the coitus?
Wolowitz: My guess is "four minutes, a new record!"

How can I possibly discuss with Stan Lee the scientific foundations for inter-stellar flight on a silver surfboard when part of my brain will be scanning his face for signs of contagious skin disease?

Sheldon

I don't trust banks. I believe that when the robots rise up, ATM's will lead the charge.

Sheldon

Wolowitz: Why do you have all of these unopened paychecks in your desk?
Sheldon: Because most of the things I'm planning to buy haven't been invented yet.

Penny: Sheldon's in jail.
Leonard: What'd he do?
Penny: The same crap he normally does, except to a judge.

Wolowitz: Damn paper cut. Nothing worse than a paper cut!
Raj: Obviously you don't remember your circumcision.

Did he finally write a sequel to his autobiography? I'm sure ages 79 to 87 were just action packed.

Sheldon [about Stan Lee]

Sheldon: I believe you know why I'm here.
Penny: I always figured it was to study us, discover our weaknesses, and report back to your alien overlords.

I'd take Sheldon to Switzerland, absolutely. And I'd leave him there.

Wolowitz

Instead of underpants, I covered my crotch with potato salad this morning. Thoughts?

Leonard

Given that St. Valentine was a 3rd century Roman priest who was stoned and beheaded, wouldn't a more appropriate celebration of the evening be taking one's steady gal to witness a brutal murder?

Sheldon
Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 183 in total

The Big Bang Theory Season 3 Quotes

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for "soup" tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not "soup," it's "courage."
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.

Penny: I always tear up when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes.
Sheldon: Tears seem appropriate. Enlargement of the heart muscle, or hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, is a serious disease which can lead to congestive heart failure.