Nick: Here's to our worst days.
Pete: And the better ones ahead.

Pete: Vacations with your wife, it's not a valid business deduction. Uh, ring ring! Hello? Oh, Mr. Tax Computer. How are you? Who are you looking for? Nick Morelli? Yeah. Stings, doesn't it.
Nick: I'm gonna sting your ass.

Nick: Is that a new suit?
Pete: This is a perfectly valid tax exemption.
Nick: Pete, this is a business credit card. You cannot write off suits.
Pete: It's not a suit. It's a work uniform.
Nick: You know how they brought Al Capone down? It wasn't the G-men. It was the I-R-S.
Pete: I know. I saw the movie.
Nick: Didn't you learn anything from it?
Pete: Yeah. Don't lie to Robert De Niro if he's holding a baseball bat.

Nick: You look like a truck just hit you.
Pete: So do you.
Nick: Well my best alibi for a sexual assault just OD'd.
Pete: They just put me on a jury! Ok on a scale of things not as bad, I'll admit it.

Well, the truth doesn't matter. You're a defense lawyer. Your job is to win. So you got to put me on that stand so I can convince the jury I'm innocent, just like I did with you.


Woman: Pull the shoot honey. You just got shot down.
Pete: No, I just got a smile. You missed it.

Police Officer: Hey Morelli. What do you call a defense lawyer holding a gun?
Nick: What?
Police Officer: Justifiable Homicide.
Nick: Hilarious.

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