Jim: I was under the impression Derby Girls fought all the time. Why was this one so special?
Daniel: Diana's not fighting someone on the other team. She's beating the crap the out of her own team mate.
Jim: The Cuban Missile, so much for family. Looks like trouble in paradise. Looks like Randy Dillard AKA Arthur Referelli found himself a new girlfriend, which means we've got ourselves a Cuba Missile Crisis.

Carlos: Good news. Diana Cabara did not die from a subdural-hematoma. There was no blood in her skull.
Jim: How is that good news?
Carlos: It's good news because wit that ruled out I looked at other causes of Opisthotonos.
Jim: Oh that arched back thingy?
Carlos: Yeah turns out that Opisthotonos, that arch back thingy, is also a sign of poising, Strychnine to be exact.

Carlos: It wasn't injected or injected because there was no poison in her blood stream or stomach content. I know it wasn't inhaled because there was no fluid in her lungs, which leads only one conclusion...
Jim [interrupts] She rubbed on!
Carlos: Would it kill you to let me finish.

Callie: You sure it's ok I stay at your place?
Jim: It is now.
Callie: First couple of nights without Jeff kinda sucks, plus this way we can use all of your hot water.
Jim: Sounds dirty, in a clean way.

Jim: [answers cell phone] Hey gorgeous, finish scrubbing your back?
Michael: I thought I'd hit the pool first if that's ok with you?
Jim: Dad? [looks at phone] Why are you calling me from the number from my house?
Michael: Cuz, that's where I am. I had a layover on my way back from a sales call down in Rio. I thought I'd take an extra day to meet my future daughter in-law before the wedding.

Inna: If It's alright by you, I'd like to go home.
Jim: If you mean by home RV park than your real home. Because, sorry for you, but that ocean view condo is now my crime scene.
Inna: You can't do that. All my things are there.
Jim: Yeah, the swag you got from Walter, that's all mine too.

Carlos: What's that: [tapping his forehead]
Jim: Oh that's just a Gypsy curse Inna put on me.
Carlos: Get away from me.
Jim: What?
Carlos: Get. Away. From. Me.
Jim: Are you serious?

Callie: I have a patient in need, Jim. And I'm going to be a doctor someday, so you're going to have to get use to interruptions in the middle of the night. God knows I have.
Jim: What's that supposed to mean? [his phone rings showing Manus]

Looks like the only way Mitch was going to lose this house was over his dead body.

Jim

Jim: It could have waited till morning.
Callie: It was morning.
Jim: I mean morning-morning. Not middle of the night morning.
Callie: Really Jim? I know you're tired, I'm tired too, but I don't bitch when Carlos calls in the middle of night saying he's got some dead roller-skating mermaid or whatever.

Michael: I called your mother back.
Jim: Oh good.
Michael: You're right about one thing. I don't have to cheat on her to know she's had enough.
42 years and your mother can't trust me. Expects me to give up a life and a friendship I've had for 20 years. I don't know what to say to that.
Jim: What did you say Dad?
Michael: Your mother and I are calling it quits.

Jim: Hey you know what I realize these last 2 weeks since Jeff has been away? That kid of yours has way too many chores.
Callie: Don't worry you can split it with him after we're married.
Jim: Chores does build character.

The Glades Quotes

Callie: I'm doing what I love. And I want to continue to do love for the rest of my life. I know if I walk away now, I can't. And I also know if you really love someone and he really loves you that together you can make it work. So, yes.
Jim: Yes?
Callie: Yes Jim Longworth, I would love to come home and be your wife.

Colleen: This one's pretty gruesome.
Carlos: How gruesome?
Colleen: Well let me put it to you this way, have you ever heard me use that word before?