I want you to love me in the way that I can show on Instagram.

Mindy: God forbid you give away the end to Downton Abbey.
Daniel: What the hell is this show and why does everybody keep talking about it?

Mindy: Max I am on a date right now. Do you know how difficult it is for a chubby 31 year old woman to go on a legit date with a guy who majored in economics at Duke?
Dennis: I never told you those things.
Mindy: I looked it up online okay? Relax!

I used to think that sex addiction was made up by male celebrities, but now I think it's real.


I'm all for lonely people making connections, but this is the doctor's lounge not the wooded area behind the highway rest stop.


Im at this point in my life where I can't just do what I want to do. I have to do things that really move my life forward like spinning, do you guys know what that is?

Mindy: I guess it's not hilarious when you get arrested for assault at a Bruce Springstein concert.
Daniel: First of all it's a Springstein show not a Bruce Springstein concer. You sound ignorant. Second of all, you don't show up at a Springstein show wearing a John Cougar Mellencamp tee shirt unless you want to get punched in the face.

Maybe I won't get married you know? Maybe I'll do one of those Eat Pray Love things.

I can't run into somebody I know on the subway and not stand next to them, it's weird.

No one's really an architect, that's like a job guys have in the movies.


After four vodka sodas I realized, I had something to say.

I hate when people say old school when all they mean is inefficient and rude.