Mindy: I mean look how he reacted to your news. He didn't even show up to the party and that's just you.
Peter: Tough to hear it phrased that way, but I understand what your saying.

Pete, why would you abandon us? We changed you from an unemployable pervert, to an employable pervert.


Hey bitches, the bi-coastal babe is back. #itshappening.

Morgan: Have another hug.
Jeremy: I don't want another hug, I've had four.

Just because I look like Olivia Pope does not mean I know how to disappear a body.

Fine. I'm wearing my bicycle helmet, in case there is an earthquake.


Not to brag, but I am straight up killing this bitch. The program, not the patient.

Danny: Hey, sugar, what's shaking?
Mindy: Hey, that's my line. Oh no, does this mean it's caught on with old people?

I did wish for a birthday kiss. I should've been more specific.


She won a secret Hunger Games we billionaires have.


Rob: You know what else is interesting? Since Alex has been here, you haven't mentioned the love of your life once.
Mindy: What are you talking about? I've talked about spare ribs like 10 times. Oh, Danny!

All my alumni email goes to spam because they're always asking me for money. Because one time I fell through a stained glass window