The Office Season 5 Episode 3: "Business Ethics" Quotes
Holly: Can I have everyone's attention? Excuse me, may I have everyone's attention, please. We need to finish the ethics seminar.
Andy: No way, lady.
Kevin: It's a trap.
Holly: Everyone, please, I just need your signatures to show corporate that I gave you the training.
Meredith: Don't sign anything.
Michael: Ok, everybody listen up. If you are not in that conference room in two minutes I am going to kill you.
Stanley: It's a quarter to five and I have started to gather my things.
- Permalink: Can I have everyone's attention? Excuse me, may I have everyone'...
How do you tell somebody that you care about deeply, "I told you so." Gently with a rose? In a funny way, like it's a hilarious joke? Or do you just let it go, because saying it would just make things worse? ... Probably the funny way.Michael
- Permalink: How do you tell somebody that you care about deeply, I told you ...
It's been a little tense. People are suspicious of me. And my best friend in the office won't even talk to me. Turns out being the morality police does not make you popular. I should know because in middle school I was the hall monitor and the kids used to stuff egg salad in my locker. I was just hoping middle school was over.Holly
- Permalink: It's been a little tense. People are suspicious of me. And my be...
Jim: [Dwight walks back to his desk] 19 minutes and 48 seconds. What were we doing for 19 minutes and 48 seconds?
Dwight: None of your business.
Jim: So I guess I can assume that was personal.
Dwight: [Dwight stares at Angela, buttoning the top button of her blouse] Fine.
Jim: So maybe you're not completely ethical after all.
Dwight: Yes, maybe I'm not.
- Permalink: 19 minutes and 48 seconds. What were we doing for 19 minutes and...
Jim: He has not stopped working for a second. At 12:45 he sneezed while keeping his eyes open, which I always thought was impossible. At 1:32 he peed, and I know that because he did it in an open soda bottle under the desk while filling out expense reports. And on the flip side, I have been so busy watching him that I haven't even started work. It's exhausting, being this vigilant. I'll probably have to go home early today.
- Permalink: 32 he peed, and I know that because he did it in an open soda bo...
Michael: I just don't want my employees thinking that their jobs depend on performance. I mean, what sort of place is that to call home? And Meredith needs this job. This is her main source of money.
Holly: Well, that's very sweet but we have to follow the protocol. Those are the rules.
Michael: Ok, new idea. We don't report it at all. We just punish her.
Holly: We punish her?
Michael: Mmhmm, tell her she can't have sex for six months.
Holly: I don't think we could enforce that.
Michael: I don't know. I saw this thing, like a belt with a key.
Holly: A chastity belt.
Michael: No, it's more of a underwear garment that has little spikes like made of, sometimes they are made of metal. You know what I am talking about.
- Permalink: I just don't want my employees thinking that their jobs depend o...
Today is ethics day. After they finish their quiz I'm going to run my first ethics meeting here. It's gonna be insaaaaane. No, it's not. I have to read from the binder.Holly
- Permalink: Today is ethics day. After they finish their quiz I'm going to r...
I love babies. I think they are beautiful in all sorts of different ways. I try to pick up and hold a baby every day, if possible, because it nourishes me. It feeds my soul. Babies are drawn to me. And I think it's because they see me as one of them. But...cooler and with my life put together a little bit more. If a baby were President, there would be no taxes. There would be no war. There would be no...government, and...things could get terrible. And actually probably it would be a better screenplay idea then a serious suggestion.Michael
- Permalink: I love babies. I think they are beautiful in all sorts of differ...
Holly: Meredith, that is serious. I mean not only that a conflict of interests, there's also an exchange of goods.
Meredith: Exchange of steak. Have you ever had sirloin steak, honey?
Michael: That's crazy. That's crazy talk, Meredith! The Merenator, sleepin' with suppliers! Hoo-ooh! Wow! What time we got? [checks watch] You know what? That's a good place to end it. Right there. This, I think, was a great ethics seminar. She has given us a lot of wonderful things to think about. Right...what is wrong. Who's to say? Really. In the end. I mean because it is...unknowable. But let's give her a round of applause. Holly, everybody. Holly! Get back to work.
- Permalink: Meredith, that is serious. I mean not only that a conflict of in...
Meredith: I'll go. Have you guys ever met Bruce Myers? The Scranton rep for Hammermill?
Meredith: Well, for the past six years I have been sleeping with him in exchange for discounts on our supplies and Outback Steakhouse gift certificates.
- Permalink: I'll go. Have you guys ever met Bruce Myers? The Scranton rep fo...