The Office Season 5 Episode 19: "Golden Ticket" Quotes
I have an idea for a fancy men's shoe store called Shoe La La. And it's just men's shoes for the special occasions in a man's life, like the day that you get married or the day your wife has a baby, or for just lounging around the house.Michael
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Michael: Why do you even want to stay at Dunder Mifflin? I mean what's the point? You're cooped up in there all day. You don't get to do your farming. You're not dating Angela anymore. It doesn't matter if you get fired for taking credit for the gold ticket idea. It doesn't matter. Me on the other hand, I would be lost without this place. You, way too manly.
Dwight: What about Shoe La La?
Michael: It's not ready yet.
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I did fall on my sword once. I was running with it in my belt. Won't happen again.Dwight
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Michael: We think a lot alike. Sometimes you will think something and I will say what you're thinking-
Dwight: OK, what am I thinking right now?
Michael: Umm, nacho chips.
Dwight: No... How skin is the largest organ of the body.
Michael: Oh, OK. Let me just cut to the chase, Dwight. I want you to fall on your sword for me.
Dwight: Oh, not gonna happen.
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[Jim, Andy and Pam all talking over each other] ...turn into this black and carbon brick-where this barbeque sauce of shame and rage and two hot people with a perfect relationship would not understand that.Andy
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Kevin: You guys are throwing a lot at me.
Jim: All I'm saying is that it's a first dates, so just keep a respectful distance.
Pam: I don't think Jim means to say that you shouldn't touch her.
Jim: No, that is what I mean.
Pam: [to Jim] Shush. [to Kevin] Kevin, a playful touch on the arm, or on the back, it can show your interest and it's really romantic.
Kevin: [puts hand on Jim's hand] Like that?
Jim: No, stop it.
Andy: Don't touch her. Don't talk to her. Don't look at her.
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Michael: OK, you know what? You came up with this idea. I remember you told me that you loved the Willy Wonka movie when you were growing up.
Michael: Yes, you did.
Dwight: I wasn't given candy as a child, so a movie that fetish-ized it that much, would have made no sense to me. Plus, we weren't allowed to see movies. So... do the math.
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Dwight: Wasn't my idea. Loved it - but I can't.
Michael: Wait a second, wait a second, I wrote it down in my diary.
Dwight: You don't keep a diary.
Michael: Yes I do. You've just never seen it. [reading from diary] March 4th. Dwight came up with the best idea today about golden tickets.
Dwight: Hold that thought. [Dwight gets up and gets own diary from desk and returns] March... 4th. Michael Scott came up with golden ticket idea to give five customers 10 perfect off for one year.
Michael: Why do you have a diary?
Dwight: To keep secrets from my computer.
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Michael: Come on in. Good to see ya, have a seat. I just wanted to congratulate you on that great golden ticket idea.
Dwight: That was your idea.
Michael: Woah, wow, who told you that?
Dwight: You did. Several times. Over and over again.
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Michael: You're breaking up.
Michael: OK, I think, it might have been an inside consultant.
David: Was it the sales department?
David: Was it Jim?
David: OK, was it Dwight?
Michael: [long pause] Yes.
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Michael: [on phone] Hello David. I just got back from my procedure, so-
David: Michael, what the hell is going on here?
Michael: How are you doing?
David: Fine. What is going on?
Michael: [reading from computer] My colonoscopy was an examination of my large colon and the distal part of my small bowel with a camera.
David: Why did you OK this golden ticket idea? We're going to lose a fortune, Michael. How could you let this happen?
Michael: Well, there is an explanation that involves me not letting it happen and I just don't... I don't know.
David: How could you not know Michael?
Michael: I think we might have hired an outside marketing consultant.
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Michael: I am just a net that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimsy, so -
Jim: So, well I lost a ton of money today and I have a mortgage, so I'm a little pissed too.
Michael: Thank you, Jim is with me.
Jim: Absolutely not, I'm mad at you.
Michael: Well you know what Jim? It is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist.
Creed: That's not why.
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Dwight: Knock, knock.
Michael: Who's there?
Michael: KGB - [Dwight slaps Michael]
Dwight: [in Russian accent] We will ask the questions!
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Michael: I need something to wipe my hand.
Pam: Now there's, there's butter on my desk.
Michael: That was helping. It was classic.
Dwight: I got a knock-knock joke.
Michael: No... God.
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