Manager: Can I start talking? Is this thing on? Give me a signal when you want me to start.
Ryan: And now from my old hometown, Scranton Pennsylvania, my former boss, Michael Scott.
Michael: Hey, I just think you should know that one of my salesmen beat your stupid computer, so take that [bleep]hole.
Ryan: Always a jokester. How about that image? Crystal clear.
Pizza guy: If anyone out there is listening, I'm being held here against my will. I'm a minor.

Jim: Do you remember what you said to me on my first day of work, just before you walked me over to my desk?
Pam: Yeah, enjoy this moment, because you're never going to go back to this time before you met your desk mate Dwight.
Jim: And that's when I knew. You?
Pam: You came up to my desk, and said, this might sound weird, and there's no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you're about to eat has expired.
Jim: That was the moment that you knew you liked me?
Pam: Yep.
Jim: Wow, can we make it a different moment?
Pam: Nope.

Kevin: What's going on?
Jim: Michael just called the pizza place with a list of demands.
Michael: Mister Overdramatic, what's up Kevin?
Kevin: We're getting hungry out there. We're all accomplices now anyway, so we figured we might as well eat. We would like to order some good pizza, from Alfredo's Pizza Cafe, while we wait for the hostage situation with the bad pizza to end.

Michael: You ready to give me my discount now?
Pizza guy: No.
Michael: Okay, what have you been doing in here this whole time?
Pizza guy: What kind of business is this?
Dwight: We're a paper company. The best paper company in the whole wide world.
Michael: Alright, Dwight, knock it off. You better think about what you are doing young man.
Pizza guy: You better think about what you're doing.
Michael: No! I'm an adult, I don't have to think or do anything. You're a kid, a little snot-nosed, punk kid who thinks he's better than everyone else, because he's some hot shot, and you don't know anything about sales. So stop being a disrespectful little jerk, okay?
Pizza guy: Sales?
Michael: Yeah sales, you sell pizza. Last time I checked that's called sales.
Pizza guy: You're such a loser.

Stanley: You find anything?
Kevin: We think it's a straight forward kidnapping.
Oscar: Stanley, could you look up "accomplices"?
Stanley: Why can't you guys do it?
Oscar: Because we're looking up jail time.
Stanley: Fine.

They say you should never mix business with pleasure. Really? Well then, explain to me how a putt-putt golf company operates.

Andy

Oh no, it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage.

Kevin

Michael: Good news.
Stanley: We get to go home?
Michael: Guess who just ordered from your favorite pizza place, Alfredo?
Kevin: Wait! Alfredo's Pizza Cafe? Or Pizza by Alfredo?
Michael: Same thing.
Kevin: No, no.

Andy: I hear she's single and ready to mingle. I'm thinking about making a play for her. What do you think? Crazy, right?
Dwight: I think it's inappropriate to date someone you work with.
Andy: Isn't that part of the fun?
Dwight: No. I think you should date Kelly.
Andy: She works here too, how is that any different?
Dwight: Uh, she works in the annex. You're also welcome to date Toby.

Andy: What do you think of Angela?
Dwight: I think she's efficient.
Andy: No, not like that, as a woman. W-O-M-A-N.
Dwight: I hadn't noticed.
Andy: You hadn't noticed she's a woman?

This was a pretty disappointing day. It was kind of a slap in the face to realize that I wasn't as important as I thought I was to a certain young executive who I cared about. But, you know, I'm not gonna cry over it. I did that in the car on the way home.

Michael

Angela: Hello, Pam.
Pam: Hello.
Angela: Hey. Do you have any men that you can fix me up with? I would like to have a relationship with a man.
Pam: Um... uh... I'll get back to you.
Angela: Let me know.

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The Office Season 4 Episode 3 Quotes

There's this cube on the screen, and it bounces around all day, and sometimes it looks like it's heading right into the corner of the screen, and at the last minute it hits a wall and bounces away. And we are all just dying to see it go right into the corner. Pam claims that she saw it one day when she was alone in the conference room. Okay. I believe she thinks she saw it.

Jim

And the same thing goes for quarterly reports. They are unreadable. They're just numbers and boring and blech. So what I was thinking is that maybe we should have some sort of graphic, like if we have a bad quarter, put in a storm cloud? And... when we have a good quarter, fireworks? Or a race car? [crickets] Doesn't have to be a race car. Use your imagination.

Michael
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