The Office

The Office "Lecture Circuit (Part 1)" Quotes (Page 2)

Julia: I can't accept these prices, Stanley. They just cut our budget.
Andy: Brought you guys some coffees. Stanley, I know you have adult onset diabetes. So I put Splenda in yours. Let's see. How many did I put in there? [starts singing to the tune of Feist's "1-2-3-4"] One, Two, Three, Four Splenda's in your coffee, Stanley. None in yours, Julia, cause I don't know how you take it. But if you'd rather...
Stanley: Four Splenda. Are you crazy?
Andy: Well, No, I actually only put in two. But that's not how the song goes.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: I don't know you. But I need to know you in order to sell to you. That is why I have asked you to go around and tell me you names. I have an amazing mnemonic device, by which I have memorized all of your names. Shirty, mole, lazy eye, Mexico, baldy, sugar boobs, black woman. I have taken a unique part of who you are, and I have used that to memorize your name. Baldy, your head is bald. It is hairless. It is shiny, it is reflective like a mirror. "M" your name is Mark.
Mark: Yes.
Michael: Got it. It works.
Karen: Uh, it's very insulting.
Michael: But it works.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: I am a theatrical person. Growing up, I always thought I would become an actor. Because I have, these memorization tricks that I use. Um, for instance, I learned the Pledge of Allegiance by setting it to the tune of Old MacDonald.... I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God. With a woof-woof here, and a woof-woof there. Here a woof, there a woof. Everywhere a woof, woof. You get it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: [on phone] NO! Oh, my God. Oh, No. That is so awful. That is the worst news. I have to go. I have to do a presentation. I'll talk to you... [hangs up] It is going to be hard for me to speak today. Because I just learned that my father has died... No, he didn't! He is alive. And this isn't even a cell phone. This is a calculator. But you bought it! And now you can't return it. Or can you? No you can't. [Karen raises her hand] Yes. Karen, do you need to go pump?
Karen: Not gonna have to do that, 'til after I have the baby.
 • Rating: Unrated

Karen: Hey. Hi, guys.
Michael: [notices Karen's pregnant] Oh my God. Is that Jim's?
Karen: What!
Pam: Michael!
Karen: Of course not!
Michael: Okay. Wow. Oh man! My head just exploded. Whoo! Thank God, for everybody right? Whoo kay. Wow, you're huge! That's incredible! I... God sorry, sorry my head is... I'm just, I'm trying to figure out the last time that you and Jim had sex, and...
Karen: Let's just get this over with, shall we?
Michael: Okay, mmm. Ten, ten months?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: We just wanted to say we are very sorry.
Kelly: Screw you guys. You're dead to me.
Dwight: If you say screw you one more time...
Kelly: Yeah, screw you, beefer, I don't forget your birthday, I would never do that.
Dwight: Hey, HEY.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: I am single now. What we have here, is the ultimate smackdown between the Nard-Dog and crippling despair, loneliness, and depression. I intend to win.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Julia: Oh, this is a nice office.
Stanley: You don't have to lie. Through here.
Andy: Um, Phyllis, who's that?
Phyllis: She's out of your league Andy.
Andy: For your information, I have been with lots of beautiful women.
Phyllis: Sexually?
Andy: This conversation is over.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: I hate the idea that someone out there hates me. I even hate thinking that Al-Qaeda hates me. I think if they got to know me, they wouldn't hate me. But Karen knows me, and she still hates me, so...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Pam: Can I turn on the radio?
Michael: No. I need silence or Sam Kinison to prepare.
Pam: But then you fall asleep and there's nothing for me to do.
Michael: Then listen to your iPod, Pam.
Pam: That's dangerous.
Michael: Well then... hey you know what then let's just talk.
Pam: That's okay I can... I'm fine. I'll just play a song in my head.
 • Rating: Unrated

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