Jim: Stop shoving me.
Dwight: Aww, stop shoving me. Stop grabbing my penis. Grow up.

Does your husband have very soft erections?

Dwight

Jim has no discernable sense of humor Pam. You should know that.

Dwight

Andy: When you're in a rock n roll band with somebody, you're bonded for life.
Darryl: Usually their life is short and tragic.

Val: Not bad fellas. You're better than you look.
Kevin: Hey screw you!

You know what would be the hottest thing ever? A pregnant Helen Mirren.

Toby

Pam: And I make sounds much worse than this?
Dwight: Oh we know.

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