The Office

The Office "Secret Santa" Quotes

Michael: [to Phyllis and Bob] Get a room, Santas!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight: Oh man! I can use this for so many nuts! Macadamias, Brazil nuts, pecans, almonds ... clams, snails ...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jim: Wait. We haven't gone under. We've been sold. That could mean many different things.
Michael: It's hard for me to imagine a scenario in which Meredith Palmer keeps her job and David Wallace does not. No offense Meredith.
Meredith: No, I get it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: You know what? Christmas isn't about Santa. Or Jesus. It's about the workplace. All of you feel like my family. Ryan, you are my son. Pam, you are my wife. Jim ... Angela and Phyllis, you are my grandmas. Stanley, you are ... our mailman. I can't help but look at your wonderful beautiful faces and wonder, how they could do this to us!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: How's everybody doing?
Jim: Not great. You heckled Santa for an hour and a half.
Michael: That was a different guy. That was Jesus. Jesus ruined the party. Petulant Jesus.
Angela: Are you serious? That is so offensive.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: You can't yell out "I need this, I need this" as you pin down an employee on your lap.
Michael: Okay. You know what Jim, there are two Santas in the room. Things get ruthless!
Jim: Yup.
Michael: Do you understand you forced my hand.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Ryan come here!
Ryan: Whoa, whoa.
Michael: Come on, come on.
Ryan: I'm doing something over here.
Michael: Ahhh... Ho ho ho! Come on I need this. Come over here!
Ryan: What are you talking about?
Michael: Just sit down!
Ryan: No no no.
 • Rating: Unrated

Oscar: Is Matt around? I got his check.
Darryl: Uh, Matt is on a delivery. Just leave it here, I'll take it.
Oscar: Ah, I'll just... wait for him.
Darryl: Matt's a pretty good-looking dude, don't you think?
Oscar: I'll just leave it here with you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: What would you like for Christmas little boy?
Kevin: I don't know. I didn't know you were gonna ask me that.
Michael: What did you think was going to happen?
Kevin: I didn't know. Nobody's ever let me sit on their lap before.
Michael: All right, just say "some toys" please.
Kevin: Can you give me some choices? Cause I really don't want to mess up on this list.
Michael: Damn it Kevin, come on.
Kevin: What about if I tell you the things I DON'T want?
Michael: Okay get off, get off! Oh! Oh, God!
Kevin: I didn't even get to tell you what I wanted!
Michael: Okay you know what you get? A thousand helium balloons attached to you so Santa doesn't have to go through this again.
Kevin: Awesome.
 • Rating: 3.3 / 5.0

Michael: Ho ho ho! Why pay more to sit next to old Tranny Claus over there, when you can sit on my lap. Phyllis is only ... pretending to be a man, I'm the real thing. Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt! [awkward silence] No it's not, not like penis-wise.
 • Rating: 4.6 / 5.0

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