The Office Season 6 Episode 13: "Secret Santa" Quotes
[to Phyllis and Bob] Get a room, Santas!Michael
- Permalink: Get a room, Santas!
Oh man! I can use this for so many nuts! Macadamias, Brazil nuts, pecans, almonds ... clams, snails ...Dwight
- Permalink: Oh man! I can use this for so many nuts! Macadamias, Brazil nuts...
Jim: Wait. We haven't gone under. We've been sold. That could mean many different things.
Michael: It's hard for me to imagine a scenario in which Meredith Palmer keeps her job and David Wallace does not. No offense Meredith.
Meredith: No, I get it.
- Permalink: Wait. We haven't gone under. We've been sold. That could mean ma...
You know what? Christmas isn't about Santa. Or Jesus. It's about the workplace. All of you feel like my family. Ryan, you are my son. Pam, you are my wife. Jim ... Angela and Phyllis, you are my grandmas. Stanley, you are ... our mailman. I can't help but look at your wonderful beautiful faces and wonder, how they could do this to us!Michael
- Permalink: You know what? Christmas isn't about Santa. Or Jesus. It's about...
Michael: How's everybody doing?
Jim: Not great. You heckled Santa for an hour and a half.
Michael: That was a different guy. That was Jesus. Jesus ruined the party. Petulant Jesus.
Angela: Are you serious? That is so offensive.
- Permalink: How's everybody doing? Not great. You heckled Santa for an hou...
Jim: You can't yell out "I need this, I need this" as you pin down an employee on your lap.
Michael: Okay. You know what Jim, there are two Santas in the room. Things get ruthless!
Michael: Do you understand you forced my hand.
- Permalink: You can't yell out I need this, I need this as you pin down an e...
Michael: Ryan come here!
Ryan: Whoa, whoa.
Michael: Come on, come on.
Ryan: I'm doing something over here.
Michael: Ahhh... Ho ho ho! Come on I need this. Come over here!
Ryan: What are you talking about?
Michael: Just sit down!
Ryan: No no no.
- Permalink: Ryan come here! Whoa, whoa. Come on, come on. I'm doing so...
Oscar: Is Matt around? I got his check.
Darryl: Uh, Matt is on a delivery. Just leave it here, I'll take it.
Oscar: Ah, I'll just... wait for him.
Darryl: Matt's a pretty good-looking dude, don't you think?
Oscar: I'll just leave it here with you.
- Permalink: Is Matt around? I got his check. Uh, Matt is on a delivery. Ju...
Michael: What would you like for Christmas little boy?
Kevin: I don't know. I didn't know you were gonna ask me that.
Michael: What did you think was going to happen?
Kevin: I didn't know. Nobody's ever let me sit on their lap before.
Michael: All right, just say "some toys" please.
Kevin: Can you give me some choices? Cause I really don't want to mess up on this list.
Michael: Damn it Kevin, come on.
Kevin: What about if I tell you the things I DON'T want?
Michael: Okay get off, get off! Oh! Oh, God!
Kevin: I didn't even get to tell you what I wanted!
Michael: Okay you know what you get? A thousand helium balloons attached to you so Santa doesn't have to go through this again.
- Permalink: What would you like for Christmas little boy? I don't know. I ...
Ho ho ho! Why pay more to sit next to old Tranny Claus over there, when you can sit on my lap. Phyllis is only ... pretending to be a man, I'm the real thing. Sit down on my lap and there will be no doubt! [awkward silence] No it's not, not like penis-wise.Michael
- Permalink: Ho ho ho! Why pay more to sit next to old Tranny Claus over ther...
If this were Russia, yeah sure. Everyone would go to one Santa, and there would be a line around the block and once you sat on her lap and she'd ask you what you wanted, you would say probably "freedom." At which point the KGB would arrest you and send you to Siberia. It's a good thing Russia doesn't exist anymore.Michael
- Permalink: If this were Russia, yeah sure. Everyone would go to one Santa, ...
Michael: It's insane! A woman Santa, where does it stop? No! Jim, this may be the last Christmas that we have here, doesn't it make you a tiny bit anxious, me NOT playing Santa? Come on!
Jim: I'm not gonna go tell Phyllis that she can't be Santa.
Michael: Fine! Then do it anonymously. Ransom note style. You can ... I ... you know what, I have a bunch of letters cut out of magazines in my desk. You can use those.
- Permalink: It's insane! A woman Santa, where does it stop? No! Jim, this ma...
My diabolical plan has been put on hold for Christmas. My heart just melts when I hear the sound of children singing. [pauses] Ha! Not really. I'm just tired. Days are short ... I don't know. Maybe I'm depressed.Dwight
- Permalink: My diabolical plan has been put on hold for Christmas. My heart ...
Yes, they're the only two gay guys I know. But they should be together.Pam
- Permalink: Yes, they're the only two gay guys I know. But they should be to...