The Office Season 6 Episode 13: "Secret Santa" Quotes
Michael: Heeeeeere's Santa! Hey little girl, what would you like for Christmas? Ooh, you have been a very naughty girl, I see.
Pam: Michael, we already have a Santa, Phyllis.
Michael: What the hell is going on?
Oscar and the warehouse guy! Go Oscar! Go gay warehouse guy!
Pam
For several weeks, my Secret Santa has been giving me pieces of a machine that I've been attempting to assemble. I'm suspicious of this because I had the exact same idea ... for catching Osama bin Laden. I would simply send him a different piece each day. He would assemble it, only to find himself... IN JAIL!
Dwight
Pam: So Santa, what can we expect from this party?
Phyllis: It's going to be a very jolly time if you've been good!
Creed: What if you've been bad?
Phyllis: Oh, then nothing but a lump of coal for you!
Creed: What if you've been really, really bad? Like more evil, and strictly wrong.
Jim: Okay, Creed, we covered it. Lump of coal.
Phyllis: Yeah ...
I have been wanting to be Santa for years. I believe I have the right temperament, and the figure to do the job well. I slipped a note to Jim 11 weeks ago, and he said I could do it. It's been a long journey... but [sniffs] I'm Santa Claus!
Phyllis
I begged Dwight and Jim to give me Erin for Secret Santa. And I decided to give Erin the 12 days of Christmas. Is it my fault that the first eight days is basically 30 birds?
Andy
Hello. Sorry guys. I'm not sure I've earned the right to make announcements yet, but whoever is giving me the 12 Days of Christmas as my Secret Santa? Please stop. I can't take it anymore. My cat killed a turtle dove; the French hens have started pulling out my hair to make a nest. Please stop.
Erin
Phyllis: You didn't decorate it?
Jim: No.
Dwight: Exactly.
Jim: We didn't, because we think it'd be better to do it together.
Dwight: Everyone.
Andy: Why would you wrap it in a sheet, if you're not covering anything up?
Pam: Is it ... is it fake?
Jim: Pam!
Dwight: Yes, we are unveiling, an artificial tree, that will never die...
Jim: Yes.
Dwight: Like the spirit of Christmas!
Stanley: We're supposed to applaud you for taking a giant diaper off fake tree?
Dwight: This was a successful unveiling! Go back to work! Merry Christmas!
Dwight: It is time to unveil the tree.
Oscar: Hey, Rockefeller Center!
Jim: Yeah.
Ryan: Uh, I have actually been to Rock Center, and this is nothing like that.
Jim: This is all we have.
Ryan: Ugh.
My diabolical plan has been put on hold for Christmas. My heart just melts when I hear the sound of children singing. [pauses] Ha! Not really. I'm just tired. Days are short ... I don't know. Maybe I'm depressed.
Dwight
Yes, they're the only two gay guys I know. But they should be together.
Pam
