Michael: David Wallace and I have talked and we have decided to promote Jim to the position of co-manager.
Stanley: Co-manager of what?
Michael: Of ... your butt!

Darryl: Toby! Dwight! You come to my house? Bust up my trash cans? Call my baby sister an a$$hole and tell her to eat dog food?
Dwight: We thought she was you.
Darryl: How would you think a lady is me?
Dwight: [pause] Are you serious? Because you look exactly alike?
Toby: I don't see it.

[to Darryl's sister] Hey you a$$hole! You eat all that dog food yourself!?!

Toby

I tried to keep Michael in the dark. I should have realized he can do just as much damage in the dark.

Jim

Jim: I didn't tell Michael because I thought he'd try to help. Example: He handed out jello shots at the 23rd mile of the Steamtown Marathon.

That was an anomaly ... that file had been falsified ... Toby Flenderson is doing drugs!

Michael

Wallace just HAD to show up. On the one four-month period where I'm completely overwhelmed.

Michael

We invited everyone in the office to our wedding, even though we knew most people probably couldn't make the drive to Niagara Falls. Which is why we're having it in Niagara Falls.

Pam

Kelly: Is Ryan going?
Pam: I don't know, he hasn't RSVP'd yet.
Kelly: Here's the deal. I really wanna go, but I'm not gonna go if Ryan doesn't go, because it's kind of a waste of time. That came out wrong. It would be awesome if you could try to get him to go, because I'd really like to be there to support Jim.

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