Michael: Tactic number six. Change the location of the meeting at the last second. Totally throws 'em off.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Kelly: Okay, well the next time that you get scared, that you think a murderer's in your apartment in the middle of the night...
Ryan: Okay.
Kelly: ...and you call me, to calm you down...
Ryan: You know what? I didn't-
Toby: Can you stop...
Kelly: ...you can just call somebody else 'cause I'm not gonna do it anymore, Ryan. I'm not.
Toby: There's a bunch of people back here, maybe...
Ryan: Well, don't talk to me about calling people in the middle of the night...
Toby: Guys...
Kelly: I call you in the middle of the night to tell you that I love you!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Kelly: That is the bravest thing I have ever heard.
Ryan: I can't imagine what I would have done.
Kelly: I can. You would have left me to fend for myself. Like that time we were on the Ferris Wheel and that kid dropped a milk shake on me and you just laughed.
Ryan: Well that was funny, that's why.
Kelly: Oh it was?
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Dwight: I saw the perpetrator advance toward the victim at a high rate of speed. His head was thrown back, his shoulder and arm cocked indicating an attack position. Perp grabbed the victim. I removed my weapon from its secure hiding place.
Toby: Which is where?
Dwight: Irrelevant. Discharged it at a distance of a little over a meter into the perpetrator's eyes, nose, and face area. Rendering him utterly and completely disabled. Then I contacted the authorities. The end.
Toby: Thanks Dwight.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Pam: I really don't want to talk about it. I don't mean to be rude, but I just... I don't want to comment on what happened. It sucked.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jan: All right, well are you gonna take care of this?
Michael: Yeppers.
Jan: What did I tell you about "yeppers?"
Michael: I don't... remember.
Jan: I told you not to say it. Do you remember that?
Michael: Yeesh...
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Michael: No need for consternation, everything is under control.
Jan: Michael, last Friday one of your employees attacked another employee in your office!
Michael: It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.
Jan: [sigh] Is Toby there?
Michael: No...
Toby: I'm... here, Jan.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Dwight: Everyday, for eight years, I have brought pepper spray into this office to protect myself and my fellow employees. And everyday, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Karen: So do you want to see it or not?
Jim: I don't know. Feel like... Friday night crowds...
Karen: Oh my God, you're like, agoraphobic.
Jim: Agoraphobic?
Karen: Yeah.
Jim: Really?
Karen: Yeah! You would rather sit on your couch and watch a Phillies game, than go out to a movie with your awesome girlfriend.
Jim: Absolutely correct.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: It was a weird day. I accidentally cross-dressed.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Kelly: Okay, well the next time that you get scared, that you think a murderer's in your apartment in the middle of the night...
Ryan: Okay.
Kelly: ...and you call me, to calm you down...
Ryan: You know what? I didn't-
Toby: Can you stop...
Kelly: ...you can just call somebody else 'cause I'm not gonna do it anymore, Ryan. I'm not.
Toby: There's a bunch of people back here, maybe...
Ryan: Well, don't talk to me about calling people in the middle of the night...
Toby: Guys...
Kelly: I call you in the middle of the night to tell you that I love you!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Kelly: That is the bravest thing I have ever heard.
Ryan: I can't imagine what I would have done.
Kelly: I can. You would have left me to fend for myself. Like that time we were on the Ferris Wheel and that kid dropped a milk shake on me and you just laughed.
Ryan: Well that was funny, that's why.
Kelly: Oh it was?
Ryan: Mm-hmm.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Dwight: I saw the perpetrator advance toward the victim at a high rate of speed. His head was thrown back, his shoulder and arm cocked indicating an attack position. Perp grabbed the victim. I removed my weapon from its secure hiding place.
Toby: Which is where?
Dwight: Irrelevant. Discharged it at a distance of a little over a meter into the perpetrator's eyes, nose, and face area. Rendering him utterly and completely disabled. Then I contacted the authorities. The end.
Toby: Thanks Dwight.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Pam: I really don't want to talk about it. I don't mean to be rude, but I just... I don't want to comment on what happened. It sucked.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jan: All right, well are you gonna take care of this?
Michael: Yeppers.
Jan: What did I tell you about "yeppers?"
Michael: I don't... remember.
Jan: I told you not to say it. Do you remember that?
Michael: Yeesh...
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Michael: No need for consternation, everything is under control.
Jan: Michael, last Friday one of your employees attacked another employee in your office!
Michael: It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled.
Jan: [sigh] Is Toby there?
Michael: No...
Toby: I'm... here, Jan.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Dwight: Everyday, for eight years, I have brought pepper spray into this office to protect myself and my fellow employees. And everyday, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Karen: So do you want to see it or not?
Jim: I don't know. Feel like... Friday night crowds...
Karen: Oh my God, you're like, agoraphobic.
Jim: Agoraphobic?
Karen: Yeah.
Jim: Really?
Karen: Yeah! You would rather sit on your couch and watch a Phillies game, than go out to a movie with your awesome girlfriend.
Jim: Absolutely correct.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: It was a weird day. I accidentally cross-dressed.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 22
