Toby: [in a hospital bed] Oh, I went zip lining my third day in Costa Rica. I guess the harness wasn't strapped in exactly right. I broke my neck. And, I've been in the hospital five weeks now. I still haven't seen the beach. It's nice to have visitors.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Andy: This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. I haven't had a very hard life.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Ryan: Jim. I wanted to apologize... for how I treated you last year. I lost sight of myself and now that I've quit the rat race I've realized there's so much more to life than being the youngest VP in the company's history. I've even started volunteering. Giving back to the community.
Jim: Well that's great. You're talking about your court ordered community service?
Ryan: I don't need a judge to tell me to keep my community clean.
Jim: But he did, right?
Ryan: All right.
Jim: All right.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ryan: I'm keeping a list... of everyone who wrongs me. So when I'm back on top, they'll be sorry. Kevin just made the list.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jim: All right, I'm taking off.
Michael: Booty call.
Jim: Nope, just going to see Pam.
Michael: Here.
Jim: Maybe put up some shelves.
Michael: Wait a second. [removes condom from wallet, throws it to Jim] I don't want you to end up with a surprise pregnancy like me.
Jim: OK, thank you for ... this.
Michael: You want more?
Jim: No.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: Does anyone have any idea what the number one cause of death is in this country?
Dwight: Shotgun weddings.
Jim: That's not what that is.
Creed: Fright. Being scared to death.
Michael: No.
Holly: Obesity-caused illnesses.
Dwight: Obesity-caused illnesses.
Michael: Thank you. Holly is right.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jim: When Michael told us that Jan was pregnant, he led us to believe that he was the father. By telling us that he was the father.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Kevin: Hi Jan.
Jan: Hi.
Kevin: How's the candle game?
Jan: Oh, great. Yeah, Serenity by Jan is kicking ass and taking names. You remember last week when that girl went missing? Guess whose candles they used for the vigil?
Kevin: Cool. Thank God they found her, too.
Jan: Oh, they found her?
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jim: Why haven't I proposed yet? Uh, actually Pam and I talked about it. And we just decided that, um - well, we didn't want to spend first three months of our engagement apart. And Pam's always said she doesn't want a long engagement. Something in her past, I guess. I'm not really sure of the whole story, but something about a guy who used to work here...
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Andy: Ang. Ela. [sings] Ella, ella, ella. Under my Angerela. Ella, ella, ella. Ay, ay-
Angela: What?
Andy: Hey, check it out. [hands her a brochure] This is The Breakers, Newport, Rhode Island. Huge, awesome gorgeous mansion overlooking the Atlantic. And my dad went to Cornell with the current groundskeeper.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Andy: This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. I haven't had a very hard life.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Ryan: Jim. I wanted to apologize... for how I treated you last year. I lost sight of myself and now that I've quit the rat race I've realized there's so much more to life than being the youngest VP in the company's history. I've even started volunteering. Giving back to the community.
Jim: Well that's great. You're talking about your court ordered community service?
Ryan: I don't need a judge to tell me to keep my community clean.
Jim: But he did, right?
Ryan: All right.
Jim: All right.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ryan: I'm keeping a list... of everyone who wrongs me. So when I'm back on top, they'll be sorry. Kevin just made the list.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jim: All right, I'm taking off.
Michael: Booty call.
Jim: Nope, just going to see Pam.
Michael: Here.
Jim: Maybe put up some shelves.
Michael: Wait a second. [removes condom from wallet, throws it to Jim] I don't want you to end up with a surprise pregnancy like me.
Jim: OK, thank you for ... this.
Michael: You want more?
Jim: No.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: Does anyone have any idea what the number one cause of death is in this country?
Dwight: Shotgun weddings.
Jim: That's not what that is.
Creed: Fright. Being scared to death.
Michael: No.
Holly: Obesity-caused illnesses.
Dwight: Obesity-caused illnesses.
Michael: Thank you. Holly is right.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jim: When Michael told us that Jan was pregnant, he led us to believe that he was the father. By telling us that he was the father.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Kevin: Hi Jan.
Jan: Hi.
Kevin: How's the candle game?
Jan: Oh, great. Yeah, Serenity by Jan is kicking ass and taking names. You remember last week when that girl went missing? Guess whose candles they used for the vigil?
Kevin: Cool. Thank God they found her, too.
Jan: Oh, they found her?
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jim: Why haven't I proposed yet? Uh, actually Pam and I talked about it. And we just decided that, um - well, we didn't want to spend first three months of our engagement apart. And Pam's always said she doesn't want a long engagement. Something in her past, I guess. I'm not really sure of the whole story, but something about a guy who used to work here...
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Andy: Ang. Ela. [sings] Ella, ella, ella. Under my Angerela. Ella, ella, ella. Ay, ay-
Angela: What?
Andy: Hey, check it out. [hands her a brochure] This is The Breakers, Newport, Rhode Island. Huge, awesome gorgeous mansion overlooking the Atlantic. And my dad went to Cornell with the current groundskeeper.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
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Total Quotes: 19
