[in a hospital bed] Oh, I went zip lining my third day in Costa Rica. I guess the harness wasn't strapped in exactly right. I broke my neck. And, I've been in the hospital five weeks now. I still haven't seen the beach. It's nice to have visitors.

Toby

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life. I haven't had a very hard life.

Andy

Ryan: Jim. I wanted to apologize... for how I treated you last year. I lost sight of myself and now that I've quit the rat race I've realized there's so much more to life than being the youngest VP in the company's history. I've even started volunteering. Giving back to the community.
Jim: Well that's great. You're talking about your court ordered community service?
Ryan: I don't need a judge to tell me to keep my community clean.
Jim: But he did, right?
Ryan: All right.
Jim: All right.

I'm keeping a list... of everyone who wrongs me. So when I'm back on top, they'll be sorry. Kevin just made the list.

Ryan

Jim: All right, I'm taking off.
Michael: Booty call.
Jim: Nope, just going to see Pam.
Michael: Here.
Jim: Maybe put up some shelves.
Michael: Wait a second. [removes condom from wallet, throws it to Jim] I don't want you to end up with a surprise pregnancy like me.
Jim: OK, thank you for ... this.
Michael: You want more?
Jim: No.

Michael: Does anyone have any idea what the number one cause of death is in this country?
Dwight: Shotgun weddings.
Jim: That's not what that is.
Creed: Fright. Being scared to death.
Michael: No.
Holly: Obesity-caused illnesses.
Dwight: Obesity-caused illnesses.
Michael: Thank you. Holly is right.

When Michael told us that Jan was pregnant, he led us to believe that he was the father. By telling us that he was the father.

Jim

Kevin: Hi Jan.
Jan: Hi.
Kevin: How's the candle game?
Jan: Oh, great. Yeah, Serenity by Jan is kicking ass and taking names. You remember last week when that girl went missing? Guess whose candles they used for the vigil?
Kevin: Cool. Thank God they found her, too.
Jan: Oh, they found her?

Why haven't I proposed yet? Uh, actually Pam and I talked about it. And we just decided that, um - well, we didn't want to spend first three months of our engagement apart. And Pam's always said she doesn't want a long engagement. Something in her past, I guess. I'm not really sure of the whole story, but something about a guy who used to work here...

Jim

Andy: Ang. Ela. [sings] Ella, ella, ella. Under my Angerela. Ella, ella, ella. Ay, ay-
Angela: What?
Andy: Hey, check it out. [hands her a brochure] This is The Breakers, Newport, Rhode Island. Huge, awesome gorgeous mansion overlooking the Atlantic. And my dad went to Cornell with the current groundskeeper.

Tomorrow I start a three-month design program at the Pratt Institute in New York. I will be a little fish in the big apple. What up, 212!

Pam

I happen to be losing weight on my own for my own reasons. The truth is, I have lost a little of my speed, a little of my fire. Here's what I used to look like. Look at those biceps. We were fighting the power and eating whatever we wanted.

Stanley
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 19 in total

The Office Season 5 Episode 1 Quotes

What is wrong with these people? They have no willpower. I once went 28 years without having sex. And then again for seven years.

Michael

Dwight: Wait a minute. One more bite of eclair each. Hold it in your mouth if you can't swallow.
Jim: [looks to Michael for a "That's what she said," but Michael is silent] Really? Nothing?

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