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Season 2, Episode 14: "The Carpet"

Michael: Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them, but now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask so they can hear me say, "Uhh...no, I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."
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Kelly: [telling Jim what to say to Ryan] Just tell him that I'm up for anything, I'm mean I'm not a slut but who knows ....
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Michael: I swore to myself that if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh when they saw me coming and would applaud as I walked away.
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Michael: I am a big Fear Factor fan. I'm a fan of anything Joe Rogan does actually.
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Michael: I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talking about.
Stanley: That's not what what a hate crime is.
Michael: Well I hated it. A lot!
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Season 2, Episode 13: "The Secret"

Phyllis: Angela, who would you choose? Jim or Roy?
Angela: It's none of our business. Roy.
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Michael: Why do I like Hooters? Well, I will give you two reasons. The boobs and the hot wings.
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Dwight: Do you think? Or do you know?
Ryan: I think.
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Michael: They say a cluttered desk means a cluttered mind. I say an empty desk means an...
Dwight: Empty mind.
Michael: I was not going to say that.
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Pam: Did you find anything good in your desk?
Jim: Uh... a coupon for a free sandwich.
Pam: Score.
Jim: It expired in August. And, my cell phone charger from two years ago.
Pam: Big day.
Jim: Big day.
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Michael: A town car is something a company sends when they are in trouble. A limo is something they send when there is cause for celebration. In this case I believe they are celebrating ... me.
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