Season 2, Episode 9: "E-Mail Surveillance"
Improv Instructor: Michael, what did you tell him?Michael: nothing...
Improv Instructor: Then why are his hands up?... Bill...
Improv Classmate 1: He told me he couldn't show it to me, but he has a gun.
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Ryan: Hey, is Katy coming?
Jim: I have not really talked to her lately.
Ryan: Do you mind if I give her a call?
Jim: We can talk about that later.
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Jim: My roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm making Dwight up. He is very real.
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Michael: [on his approach to improv] Think about this, what is the most exciting thing that can happen on TV or in movies, or in real-life? Somebody has a gun. That's why I always start with a gun, because you can't top it. You just can't.
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Michael: There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees. His salary, that would depress them. His bed. And I am not going to tell them that I will be reading their emails.
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Kevin: I'm gonna have to delete a lot of stuff. [pause] A LOT of stuff.
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Dwight: I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections...there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from that old bread factory...
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Season 2, Episode 8: "Performance Review"
Michael: Can I ask you a question?Jan: No.
Michael: This is a business question. It's nothing personal. I promise.
Jan: Fine.
Michael: Are you wearing new perfume today?
Jan: How is that a business question?
Michael: Well, you're wearing it at the office. And, it's ... I'm sorry, no offense, but it's really sexy.
Jan: Please don't smell me, Michael.
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Jan: So are you still in the middle of the Performance Reviews then?
Michael: Oh, no no. I finished all of that. I'm very fast. I'm not too fast. Not like "Wam bam, thank you ma'am." But I do say "Thank you ma'am." Not like "Wam bam." Not that there's anything wrong with "Wam bam..." If it's consensual.
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Michael: I'm a little confused, because at first its like, all "Kissy Kissy." And then its like, all regret because "Oh, I regret that. But, wait. I'm still gonna call you. But-- But! We're just gonna talk business. And I may come down there and fire you if you don't do your job." But what were we talking about when we first kissed? Business.
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Total Quotes: 1654
