Season 2, Episode 12: "The Injury"
Ryan: I ground up four extra-strength Aspirin and put them in Michael's pudding. I do the same with my dog to get him to take his heartworm medicine.• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Michael: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me, and since I don't have a butler I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman Grill, then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again, then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it's good for me, it's a perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped onto the grill and it clamped down on my foot. That's it, I don't see what's so hard to believe about that.
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Dwight: Chu chu chu chu...
Jim: What are you doing?
Dwight: Vietnam sounds.
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Michael: I wanted all of you to take a look at a few of the many, many disabled icons who have contributed so much to our society.
Jim: Quick question, uhh, why is Tom Hanks on the wall?
Ryan: Twice?
Michael: Good question. Forrest Gump — mentally challenged, Philadelphia — AIDS.
Kevin: I think that's from Big.
Michael: I don't think so, no.
Kelly: Yeah, he's dancing on a piano with Robert Loggia.
Michael: He grew into a man overnight. Rare disability. It still works.
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Dwight: Where are we going?
Jim: Chuck E. Cheese.
Michael: Chuck E. Cheese? Oh, I'm so sick of Chuck E. Cheese.
Jim: We're going to the hospital, Michael.
Michael: I know, I'm just saying.
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Michael: Dwight, put the bottle down or you're fired!
Dwight: You can't fire me! I don't work in this van!
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Kevin: Can you hop?
Michael: I tried hopping, Kevin. I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a protuberance.
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Michael: Pam, will you rub butter on my foot?
Pam: No.
Michael: Please? I have Country Crock.
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Pam: Oh no. Dwight isn't my friend ... Oh my God! Dwight's kind of my friend.
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Michael: What do I write under "reason for visit?"
Jim: Concussion. Why, what'd you write?
Michael: ..."Bringing someone to the hospital."
Jim: Oh, you thought they meant YOUR reason for visit.
Michael: No, you know what? This isn't about me anymore.
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Total Quotes: 1711
