The Office

The Office Season 2 Quotes (Page 12)

Season 2 Episode 3: "Office Olympics"

Michael: I'm an early bird and a night owl. So I'm wise and I have worms.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Nobody likes beets, Dwight! Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: I have been Michael's number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams. He's like Mozart and I'm like... Mozart's friend. No. I'm like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like... Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in the head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Actually, I do own property. My grandfather left me a 60-acre working beet farm. I run it with my cousin Mose. We sell beets to the local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm... sometimes teenagers use it for sex.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jim: I think that's H-O-R for Stanley, and H-O for Phyllis.
Phyllis: Are you calling me a ho?
Jim: Oh my God. Phyllis coming alive! I like it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: Phyllis by a nose! Gold medal in Flernuntin.
Pam: Flonkerton.
Jim: Thank you, delegate from Iceland.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: A 30-year mortgage at Michael's age essentially means that he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so I couldn't hear the other dead people.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Thank God. It was nice of him to offer, but I live in a nine bedroom farmhouse. I have my own crossbow range. It's the perfect situation for me. Although the two bathrooms would have been nice. We just have the one... and it's under the porch.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 2 Episode 2: "Sexual Harassment"

Jim: What has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? This guy!
 • Rating: Unrated

Todd: What has two thumbs and likes to bone your mom? THIS GUY!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Pam: Usually on sexual harassment day everyone harasses me... as a joke.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: You said we could come to you if we had any questions. (Pause) Where is the clitoris? On a website it says "At the crest of the labia." What does that mean? (Pause) What does the female vagina look like?
Toby: Technically, I am in Human Resources, and Dwight was asking me about human anatomy. Um... I'm just sad the public school system failed him so badly.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: What if Pam was a lesbian?! What if she brought her partner into work, would that be crossing the line?
Toby: No!
Michael: What if they made out, in front of everybody...
Toby: Well, that would be...
Michael: ...at home? And I told everybody everything about it?
Toby: OK, I'm lost.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: And, even though we're still a family here at Dunder-Mifflin, families grow. And, at some point, the daddy can't take a bath with the kids anymore. I am upper management, and it would be inappropriate for me to take a bath with Pam, as much as I might want to.
[cut to interview]
Pam: He said WHAT?
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: When I said that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don't come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn't arrest a guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Todd: Where's Michael Snot? Sniffing some dude's thong? Probably.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Todd Packer and I are total BFFs, Best Friends Forever. We came up together in sales, one time we went to a bar and met these set of twins. And Packer said that we were brothers, one thing lead to another, and we took them to our hotel room... and Packer did BOTH of them! It was awesome!
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: I'd just like to say that, my Mom's coming in today.
Kevin: Mmmmilf.
Pam: Thanks Kevin.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Attention everyone, hello! Yes, I just want you to know that this is not my decision but from here on out, we can no longer be friends. And when we talk about things here, we must only discuss work associated things. And uh, you can consider this my retirement from comedy. And in the future if I want to say something funny, or witty, or do an impression I will no longer, ever, do any of those things.
Jim: Does that include "That's what she said?"
Michael: Mmm hmm, yes.
Jim: Wow. That is really hard. You really think you can go all day long? Well, you always left me satisfied and smiling.
Michael: That's what she said!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ryan: [reads Packer's WLHUNG license plate] You a big William Hung fan?
Todd: Why does everybody ask me that? Who the hell is that?!
 • Rating: Unrated

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