Today's a "Women in the Workplace" thing. Jan's coming in from corporate to talk to all the women about, um, I don't know what. But Michael's not allowed. She said that about five times.


Michael: Hello?
Packer: Hello, I'm looking for a gay nerd named Michael Scott.
Michael: Who is this? How did you get this number?
Packer: Your mom, you gay nerd!

Jim: What do you think of Kelly?
Ryan: I don't know. It depends if you like a little junk in the... [sees camera] She's really cool.

Let me out Michael, I can't hold my breath that long.


Last week I would've given a kidney to anyone in this office. I would've reached right into my stomach and pulled it out for them, but now, no. I don't have the relationship with these people that I thought I did. I hope they ask so they can hear me say, ", I only give my organs to my real friends. Go get yourself a monkey kidney."


[telling Jim what to say to Ryan] Just tell him that I'm up for anything, I'm mean I'm not a slut but who knows ....


I swore to myself that if I ever got to walk around the room as manager, people would laugh when they saw me coming and would applaud as I walked away.


I am a big Fear Factor fan. I'm a fan of anything Joe Rogan does actually.


Michael: I am a victim of a hate crime. Stanley knows what I'm talking about.
Stanley: That's not what what a hate crime is.
Michael: Well I hated it. A lot!

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