Captain Jack: I need a volunteer to come up and hold my stick.
Dwight: Me me me!
Captain Jack: Ah. Usually it's a woman.
Dwight: I'm stronger.

Pam: Getting kinda rowdy down there.
Jim: Yeah. Darryl, Darryl, Darryl.
Pam: Sometimes I just don't get Roy.
Jim: Well...
Pam: Well, I mean, I don't know. So... What's it like dating a cheerleader?
Jim: Oh... um....
Pam: I'm cold.

Michael: Who's seen Titanic?
Jim: I'm not really sure what movie you're talking about. Are you sure you've got the title right?
Pam: I think you're thinking of The Hunt for Red October.

Last year Michael's theme was 'bowl over the competition.' So guess where we went.

Oscar

Captain Jack: But I'm not only your ship's captain, I'm also your PARTY CAPTAIN!
Michael: YEAH, I'M YOUR PARTY CAPTAIN TOO!
Captain Jack: Michael, please.
Michael: And we are gonna... rock it!
Captain Jack: If you would just...
Michael: You are gonna put on your dancin' shoes later on! If the boat's rockin', don't come knockin'!

What is with the guy jumping overboard? If he had just waited and heard what I had to say, he would be motivated right now, and not all wet.

Michael

Dwight: Don't worry Michael, I'm taking us to shore!
Michael: It's a fake wheel, dummy!

I got myself in secret santa. I was supposed to tell somebody... but I didn't.

Kevin

Kelly: [kisses Dwight]
Dwight: What are you doing?!
Kelly: I don't know.
Dwight: You shouldn't do things like that. A man's supposed to do that.

Yankee Swap is like Machiavelli meets Christmas.

Dwight

So Phyllis is basically saying "Hey Michael, I know you did a lot to help the office this year, but I only care about you a homemade oven mitt's-worth." I gave Ryan an iPod!

Michael

Presents are the best way to show someone how much you care. It is like this tangible thing that you can point to and say "Hey man, I love you this many dollars-worth."

Michael

The Office Season 2 Quotes

Jim: Um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here?
Michael: What's updog?
Jim: Nothing much, what's up with you?

Kevin: Can you hop?
Michael: I tried hopping, Kevin. I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a protuberance.