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Happy birthday Jesus. Sorry your party's so lame.

Michael

Michael: You're the expert, is this enough to get 20 people plastered?
Store Clerk: 15 bottles of vodka? Yeah, that should do it.

Stupid corporate wet blankets... it's not like booze ever killed anyone.

Michael

Phyllis: Everyone, this is my boyfriend Bob.
Kevin: Kevin Malone.
Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Stanley: Stanley Hudson.
Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Ryan: Ryan Howard.
Bob Vance: Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.
Ryan: What line of work you in, Bob?

Improv Instructor: Michael, what did you tell him?
Michael: nothing...
Improv Instructor: Then why are his hands up?... Bill...
Improv Classmate 1: He told me he couldn't show it to me, but he has a gun.

Ryan: Hey, is Katy coming?
Jim: I have not really talked to her lately.
Ryan: Do you mind if I give her a call?
Jim: We can talk about that later.

My roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm making Dwight up. He is very real.

Jim

[on his approach to improv] Think about this, what is the most exciting thing that can happen on TV or in movies, or in real-life? Somebody has a gun. That's why I always start with a gun, because you can't top it. You just can't.

Michael

There are certain things a boss does not share with his employees. His salary, that would depress them. His bed. And I am not going to tell them that I will be reading their emails.

Michael

I'm gonna have to delete a lot of stuff. [pause] A LOT of stuff.

Kevin

I think one of the greatest things about modern America is the computerization of medical records. As a volunteer sheriff I can look up anyone's psychiatric records or surgical histories. Yeast infections...there are a huge number of yeast infections in this county. Probably because we're downriver from that old bread factory...

Dwight

Michael: Can I ask you a question?
Jan: No.
Michael: This is a business question. It's nothing personal. I promise.
Jan: Fine.
Michael: Are you wearing new perfume today?
Jan: How is that a business question?
Michael: Well, you're wearing it at the office. And, it's ... I'm sorry, no offense, but it's really sexy.
Jan: Please don't smell me, Michael.

Displaying quotes 157 - 168 of 249 in total

The Office Season 2 Quotes

Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm...easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Michael

Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. Snare it. Then to keep it happy, you have to tame it. Feed it, care for it. Lovingly. The way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.

Dwight