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Jan: So are you still in the middle of the Performance Reviews then?
Michael: Oh, no no. I finished all of that. I'm very fast. I'm not too fast. Not like "Wam bam, thank you ma'am." But I do say "Thank you ma'am." Not like "Wam bam." Not that there's anything wrong with "Wam bam..." If it's consensual.

I'm a little confused, because at first its like, all "Kissy Kissy." And then its like, all regret because "Oh, I regret that. But, wait. I'm still gonna call you. But-- But! We're just gonna talk business. And I may come down there and fire you if you don't do your job." But what were we talking about when we first kissed? Business.

Michael

Michael: It's nice to see you.
Jan: Nice to see you too, Michael.
Michael: Really?
Jan: Not like that.

Michael: Attention please. Jan Levinson's coming very soon and so we're going to have our weekly suggestion box meeting. So you can get in your constructive compliments ASAP.
Ryan: Don't you mean "constructive criticism?"
Michael: What did I say?
Kelly: You said "constructive compliments." That doesn't make any sense.

Michael: Pam, I have ideas on a daily basis. I know I do. I have a clear memory of telling people my ideas. Um, is there any chance that you wrote any of my ideas down? Like in a folder? A little idea folder?
Pam: Sorry.
Michael: That's unfortunate.

Jan: I expect you to forget anything that you think may have happened between us and exhibit completely professional behavior.
Michael: Been thinking about you.

I actually look forward to performance reviews. I did the youth beauty pageant circuit, and I enjoyed that quite a bit. I really enjoy being judged. I believe I hold up very well to even severe scrutiny.

Angela

Pam: Michael and Jan definitely made out, maybe more.
Jim: Oh, yelch. Oh! Also, it is Thursday, but Dwight thinks it's Friday. So, keep that going.
Pam: Yay!

Stanley: Sometimes women say more in their pauses than they say in their words.
Michael: Really?
Stanley: Oh yes. Let's listen to it again. And this time, really listen to the pauses.
Michael: God. Stanley, that's frickin brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that on the streets? I'm sorry...
Stanley: Oh, it's OK. I did learn it on the streets. On the ghetto in fact.
Michael: No kidding?

I went out and got drunk with my laser tag team last night. Crap! I never go out on a Thursday night. What the hell was I thinking?

Dwight

Today is Thursday, but Dwight thinks that it's Friday. Aaaand, that's what I'll be working on this afternoon.

Jim

Dwight: Oh, hey. Listen, Jim. Here's a little tip for your performance review.
Jim: Okay.
Dwight: Tell Michael that we should be stocking more of the double-tabbed manila file folders.
Jim: We don't have double-tabbed manila file folders.
Dwight: Oh yes we do.
Jim: No we don't.
Dwight: Yeah, it's a new product. So you should just suggest that to him, and then he'll be sure to give you a raise.
Jim: All right. Well, I'm not asking for a raise. I'm going to actually be asking for a pay decrease.
Dwight: Uh, that is so stupid. What if he gives it to you?
Jim: Then I win.

Displaying quotes 169 - 180 of 249 in total

The Office Season 2 Quotes

Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm...easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Michael

I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

Dwight