Two queens at casino night... I am gonna drop a deuce on everybody.

Michael

Sometimes I don't put Michael through until he's already said something. I look at it as a practice run for him. He usually does better on the second attempt.

Pam

Michael: Oh, and another fun thing. We, at the end of the night, are going to give the check to an actual group of Boy Scouts. Right, Toby?
Toby: Actually, I didn't think it was appropriate to invite children, since it's uh, you know, there's gambling and alcohol, it's in our dangerous warehouse, it's a school night, and you know, Hooters is catering, and is that - is that enough? Should I keep going?
Michael: Why are you the way that you are? Honestly, every time I try to do something fun, or exciting, you make it... not that way. I hate... so much about the things that you choose to be.

Pam: It's a nice tux.
Dwight: I know. It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so... family heirloom.

Michael: Alright, how about the Phyllis/Angela dispute?
Angela: You already did me.
Michael That's what she said.

Dwight: I have a girlfriend.
Jim: Sure you do.

I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

Dwight

Michael: Here's a Kelly complaint: "Ryan never returns my calls." Join the club.

[reading Dwight's complaints] "This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer, and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer... Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the women's room, when I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can."

Michael

Michael: OK, so Dwight, in your own words: "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert... Everyone has called me 'Dwayne' all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to."
Jim: [to camera] Yes. Five bucks each, and it was totally worth it.

Jim: Dwight tried to kiss me.
Michael: What?
Jim: And I didn't tell anyone, 'cause I'm not really sure how I feel about it.
Dwight: That is not true. Redact it. Redact it!
Jim: Well, I'm not actually making a formal complaint. I just really think we should talk about it.

Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

Dwight
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 249 in total

The Office Season 2 Quotes

Would I rather be feared or loved? Umm...easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

Michael

Jim: Um, is it me or does it smell like updog in here?
Michael: What's updog?
Jim: Nothing much, what's up with you?

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