The Office

The Office Season 3 Quotes (Page 13)

Season 3 Episode 8: "Branch Closing"

Toby: Michael, uh, we shouldn't be talking about this until all the decisions have been made.
Michael: You knew about this all along, didn't you?
Toby: Jan told me just a few minutes before she told you.
Michael: Traitor. You are a traitor.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: I always knew that the branch would shut down someday. I just figured it would be because Michael would sell the building for some magic beans.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kelly: If I get to stay and Ryan is laid off, I will kill myself, like Romeo and Juliet... the Claire Danes one.
 • Rating: Unrated

Angela: I don't want to blame anyone in particular. I think everyone's to blame.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: I don't have a ton of contact with the Scranton branch, but before I left, I took a box of Dwight's stationery, so from time to time I send Dwight faxes. From himself. From the future: "Dwight, at 8am today, someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions will follow. Cordially, Future Dwight."
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Um, listen up everybody, I have some news... We are screwed. Dunder Mifflin Scranton is being shut down.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: It is an outrage, that's all. They're making a huge, huge mistake. Let's see Josh replace these people. Let's see Josh find another Stanley. You think Stanleys grow on trees? Well they don't. There is no Stanley tree. Do you think the world is crawling with Phyllises? Show me that farm. With Phyllises and Kevins sprouting up all over the place. Ripe for the plucking. Show me that farm.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jan: Our CFO believes that Josh is going to play an important role in our company's future.
Michael: Oh really, what role is that? King of the stupid universe?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jan: A small number of people will be transferred to the Stamford branch, and the rest will be getting severance packages.
Michael: Am I a small number person or a severance package person?
Jan: Well, we haven't made final decisions about personnel yet... but you're a severance package person.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jan: I am here to tell you that we are closing the Scranton branch.
Michael: I don't understand.
Jan: The board voted last night to close your branch.
Michael: On whose authority?
Jan: The board's.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: When you become close with someone, you develop a kind of sixth sense. You can read their moods like a book. And right now, the title of Michael's book is.. "Something Weird Is Going On... colon... What Did Jan Say? The Michael Scott Story... by Michael Scott. With Dwight Schrute."
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 7: "The Merger"

Michael: Sometimes what brings the kids together is hating the lunch lady. Although that'll change. Because, by the end of the fourth grade, the lunch lady was actually the person I hung out with the most.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight: Last weekend, I outran a black pepper snake.
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Kelly: Jim!!! Oh my god, I have so much to tell you. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes had a baby, and they named it Suri! And Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie also had a baby, and they named is Shiloh! And both babies are amaziiiing!
Jim: Wow, so, uh, what's new with you?
Kelly: I just told you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Karen: Does Bob Vance work for Vance Refrigeration?
Jim: Does he ever.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: This is an orientation, not a bore-ientation.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phyllis: Bob Vance bought this perfume for me in Metropolitan Orlando. It's made from real pine.
Karen: Who's Bob Vance?
Phyllis: You have a lot to learn about this town, sweetie.
 • Rating: 4.6 / 5.0

Dwight: Hello. I don't believe we've been introduced. Dwight Schrute, Assistant Regional Manager.
Andy: Andy Bernard, Regional Director in charge of Sales.
Dwight: So you'll be reporting to me then.
Andy: On the contrary.
Dwight: My title has "manager" in it.
Andy: And I'm a director. Which on a film set is the highest title there is. Do you know anything about film?
Dwight: I know everything about film. I've seen over 240 of them.
Andy: Congratulations.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: You know who I really like? Is this guy Andy Bernard. He has got this very likeable way about him.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: Hello.
Michael: Ah, you must be Andy Bernard. Aloha and welcome!
Andy: And you must be Michael Scott. Aloha and hel-lo!
 • Rating: Unrated

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