Charles: Okay, who covers Bans Pet Grooming?
Jim: Oh, they're my client.
Charles: No, they were your client. They just called and told us they're switching over to Michael Scott Paper Company.
Dwight: [sighs] Shame, Jim. I expected more.

Pam: You didn't happen to bring any coffee, did you, Michael?
Michael: Milk and sugar.
Pam: Oh, awesome. You're a life saver. [drinks from cup] Wait, is this just milk and sugar?
Michael: That's what I said.
Pam: Do you drink this every day?
Michael: Every morning.

We got the van at a used car lot. We think it says "Alleluia Church of Scranton." in Korean. It was either this or an old school bus with an owl living in it.

Pam

Ryan: We've been making 5:00 AM deliveries for a couple weeks now. Ever since I've gotten clean there's something about fresh morning air that... just really makes me sick.

Hello! Time to make the donuts! Oh, Halpert! Whoa! Boner patrol. Arrest that man! Your donuts make me go nuts! Hey Pam.

Michael

[honking horn] Time to make the donuts. [laughs and drives away as Ryan tries to get in the van] Come on. Whoa! No, I promise I won't do it again. Come on. De-nied!

Michael

Michael: It's 4:30 in the morning. Do you know where your kids are? If you are Ryan's parents or Pam's parents or my parents, you do. They're gonna be in this van. With me. Who am I? Nothing to fear. I am just a 44 year old guy with a paper route.

It's like a girl says she'll make out with you, but then her boyfriend is waiting around the corner with a pee-filled balloon.

Michael

When Michael was in charge, this place was like the Roman Empire. And the Wild West. And war-torn Poland. And Poland. It was just a lot going on

Dwight

Michael: I have dibs. Do you respect dibs?
Dwight: (scoffs) I'm not a barbarian.

(watching Michael on the phone, consulting a Rolodex card) It took me a month to put all his Rolodex numbers into his Blackberry, which he now uses as a nightlight.

Pam

(talking to Dwight on phone) I want you to listen to me, friend, and I want you to listen to me good. I'm going to come at you, and I'm going to come at you hard. I'm going to steal all of your clients, and then I'm going to kill them in front of you.

Michael
Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 662 in total

The Office Season 5 Quotes

Sometimes I'll start a sentence, and I don't even know where it's going. I just hope I find it along the way. Like an improv conversation. An improversation.

Michael

Dwight: Knock, knock.
Michael: Who's there?
Dwight: KGB.
Michael: KGB - [Dwight slaps Michael]
Dwight: [in Russian accent] We will ask the questions!

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