The Office

The Office Season 5 Quotes (Page 14)

Season 5 Episode 19: "Golden Ticket"

Michael: OK, you know what? You came up with this idea. I remember you told me that you loved the Willy Wonka movie when you were growing up.
Dwight: Impossible.
Michael: Yes, you did.
Dwight: I wasn't given candy as a child, so a movie that fetish-ized it that much, would have made no sense to me. Plus, we weren't allowed to see movies. So... do the math.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Wasn't my idea. Loved it - but I can't.
Michael: Wait a second, wait a second, I wrote it down in my diary.
Dwight: You don't keep a diary.
Michael: Yes I do. You've just never seen it. [reading from diary] March 4th. Dwight came up with the best idea today about golden tickets.
Dwight: Hold that thought. [Dwight gets up and gets own diary from desk and returns] March... 4th. Michael Scott came up with golden ticket idea to give five customers 10 perfect off for one year.
Michael: Why do you have a diary?
Dwight: To keep secrets from my computer.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Come on in. Good to see ya, have a seat. I just wanted to congratulate you on that great golden ticket idea.
Dwight: That was your idea.
Michael: Woah, wow, who told you that?
Dwight: You did. Several times. Over and over again.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: You're breaking up.
David: Michael?
Michael: OK, I think, it might have been an inside consultant.
David: Was it the sales department?
Michael: Yes.
David: Was it Jim?
Michael: No.
David: OK, was it Dwight?
Michael: [long pause] Yes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: [on phone] Hello David. I just got back from my procedure, so-
David: Michael, what the hell is going on here?
Michael: How are you doing?
David: Fine. What is going on?
Michael: [reading from computer] My colonoscopy was an examination of my large colon and the distal part of my small bowel with a camera.
David: Why did you OK this golden ticket idea? We're going to lose a fortune, Michael. How could you let this happen?
Michael: Well, there is an explanation that involves me not letting it happen and I just don't... I don't know.
David: How could you not know Michael?
Michael: I think we might have hired an outside marketing consultant.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: I am just a net that traps all of your crappy subconscious ideas and adds a little bit of my own childhood memories and whimsy, so -
Jim: So, well I lost a ton of money today and I have a mortgage, so I'm a little pissed too.
Michael: Thank you, Jim is with me.
Jim: Absolutely not, I'm mad at you.
Michael: Well you know what Jim? It is not my fault that you bought a house to impress Pam. That is why carnations exist.
Creed: That's not why.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Nobody panic. The good news is... they can't fire all of us, right?
Oscar: They can.
Michael: No, they can't.
Oscar: Yes, they can.
Michael: Oscar, you don't know what the hell you are talking about.
Oscar: Michael, what do you think shutting down a branch is?
Michael: Alright, then we're screwed.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: When Michael's skirting a phone call, he gave me a list of places to say he is. 'Stopping a fight in the parking lot.' 'An Obama fashion show.' Whatever... that is. Or 'trapped in an oil painting.' I'm gonna save that one.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Pam: Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Oh hi, David. [Michael shakes his head] No, I'm sorry he's not back from the Civil Rights rally. I'll have him call you the minute he gets back from the Lincoln Memorial.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: My golden ticket idea? OK. Why would anyone think that this is my golden ticket idea? There is a one in 13 chance that this could be anybody's golden ticket idea. [sighs] That... [sighs again]
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Sir. I placed a bunch of golden tickets into five separate boxes and some how they all ended up with Blue Cross. How does this happen?
Darryl: Were the boxes near each other?
Michael: Irrelevant.
Darryl: I put three pallets on the truck to Blue Cross once a week. They use a lot of paper.
Michael: OK, I'm going to ask you something and I want you to be honest. What is a pallet?
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Hey. Hey. Hey. You idiot.
Darryl: Start over.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jim: How do you not spread out the tickets into different shipments?
Michael: I thought I did. So...
Jim: OK...
Michael: Well no harm no foul.
Jim: ...well I'm going to call corporate to make sure that they know I didn't lose half my sales.
Michael: You didn't, but... it'll be fine. It'll be good.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Hey, Oscar. Woo hoo hoo. Um, how much of a hit is ten percent of our Blue Cross account?
Oscar: Ten percent?
Michael: Yeah?
Oscar: They're our largest client.
Michael: Yeah.
Oscar: It's gonna hurt.
Jim: [on phone] Hold on one sec. Hold on one sec, Tom, what's that? You found five golden tickets? And does it say limit one per customer? Nope, it doesn't.
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: You can't let a girl feel good about herself. It will backfire on you. Every compliment has to be backhanded. 'Oh I like your dress, but I'd like it more if you had prettier hair.'
Pam: That's psychotic. Do guys actually do that?
Jim: Well guys with girlfriends don't.
Andy: That's low, Tuna.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kevin: Andy, Pam, and Jim are all telling me how to deal with this girl that I like, Lynn. I, I don't like getting advice from more than one person at a time. I'm a textbook over-thinker.
 • Rating: Unrated

Kevin: I think I should call her.
Andy: No! No! No!
Kevin: Why is it so bad for me to call and ask her to lunch today?
Andy: [sighs] You're making it too easy for her. You're just conveying, 'Oh I like you just the way you are.'
Kevin: But I do like her just the way she is.
Andy: Well that's not what we agreed on.
Jim: What are you doing?
Andy: Huh?
Jim: [to Kevin] Why don't you just go out on a date with her? Try to spark up an on going joke and then in a month or two, if it feels right, you'll know.
Andy: No.
Pam: You don't have to wait that long. I mean, you don't have to wait a month to ask her out. Just ask her out.
Andy: You're asking him to give up all of his power.
Jim: What power?
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: I've written these things because it is my responsibility, as manager of this branch, to profiligate great ideas and I think I have done my part with the golden ticket promotion. Now it is your turn. I want to hear some great ideas from you that are just as good as mine. [Jim raises hand] Umm hmm.
Jim: We own our own delivery trucks. We could lease them out on the weekends --
Michael: Too many words. Good ideas are simple. 'Golden ticket.'
Jim: 'Free paper.'
Michael: No. Jim. We're a business. Post-its. That is a golden ticket idea. NASA took five or six golden ticket ideas to get man on the moon.
Andy: Golden Girls. That's a golden ticket idea, right, I mean how great was that show? Golden Grahams. Another, is it -- I don't get this...
Michael: No, you don't. No, it - [sighs] What will be the state of this company if I am the only one coming up with the great ideas? Right?
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: The Willy Wonka Golden Ticket promotional idea is probably the best idea I have ever had. It's probably the best idea anybody has ever had. Three days ago, I slipped five pieces of gold paper into random paper shipments. This entitles the customer to ten percent off of their total order. It will be a day for them that is full of whimsy, and full of excitement and full of fantasy.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: Good morning, Michael.
Michael: Oh, no, no, no, no. I am not Michael. I am Willy Wonkaaaaa.
Pam: Good morning, Mr. Wonka, here are your messages.
Michael: Why thank you very much. [notices jelly beans] Oh, what are those? What are those? Tell me, please!
Pam: Jelly beans.
Michael: No, no, no. They are not just ordinary jelly beans little girl. These are extraordinary jelly beans!
 • Rating: Unrated

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