The Office

The Office Season 5 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 5 Episode 28: "Company Picnic"

Dwight: I'm gonna say 30.
Rolph: Ah, 40. Insect repellent, which we clearly need, reduces the effectiveness of SPF.
Dwight: Good point, but, thought of that already. Combination SPF/repellent.
Rolph: Woah. Homemade?
Dwight: Of course. You think the EPA would ever allow that much DEET? [both laugh]
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: Oh, don't get us wrong, we like picnics.
Jim: Come on, who doesn't like a picnic?
Pam: Tell them what happened last year.
Jim: I had this huge spider in my baseball mitt.
Pam: No, no, that guy who hit on me.
Jim: Oh, right, some drunk guy hit on Pam last year. Said he was grabbing her for balance.
Pam: Yeah, you don't grab these [gestures to her chest] for balance.
Jim: Well...
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: Normally I don't condone leaving early, but I have an appointment with the horse doctor. How that horse became a doctor, I don't know. [laughs] No, I'm kidding. He's just a regular doctor who shoots your horse in the head when its leg is broken.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jim: [whispering] Okay, I'm gonna go in there and change the computer. Are you sure you can change his watch?
Pam: [whispering] I can do it.
Dwight: [whispering] What do you need from me?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jim: Michael had chicken potpie for lunch. Actually, let me rephrase that, Michael had an entire chicken pot pie for lunch, and- let me be more specific. Michael ate an entire family-sized chicken potpie for lunch and then he promptly fell asleep, so we're all trying to be very quiet so as to not wake him up before 5:00 pm. Which, actually, should be in about... ten minutes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Erin: [phone rings] Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin... He's not available right now... Uh huh... Yes... Sure, I'll give him the message when he gets up... gets back.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 5 Episode 27: "Cafe Disco"

Kevin: I love the smell of bacon on a woman.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Andy: Yeah. No. Well, ok.
Kelly: Stop squirming.
Andy: Well, stop trying to poke me with a sharp thing.
Kelly: You wanted to do this. Just be brave.
Andy: I, I - but you're not a professional and I'm thinking maybe we should have gone to a professional.
Kelly: I'm doing it. No. I'm doing it for free. You have to stop squirming otherwise I'm gonna mess up.
Andy: Are you sure that's not the "gay" ear?
Kelly: Gay ear? Are you 12 years old?
 • Rating: Unrated

Pam: This is so cheesy.
Jim: Yes.
Pam: I like cheesy.
Jim: Me, too.
Pam: Yeah. I think maybe I want a "wedding" wedding.
Jim: Me, too.
Pam: Really?
Jim: Yeah.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: You guys are the best for coming. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I understand.
Jim: We're gonna stay.
Michael: Really?
Jim: Yeah. At least for one more dance.
Michael: Oh, no. Not me. Not me. Get out of here. Cafe Disco! [Dwight hits Michael in ear] Hey! Come on, man. It's not even to "Y."
 • Rating: Unrated

Andy: This dance competition is not over.
Kelly: What dance competition? I was just dancin' casual with my friends, y'all.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Hey! Hey! Jim and Pam! Can you believe this? It's really happening.
Phyllis: Wanna dance, Dwight?
Dwight: Ordinarily I would say no but you need to move to reduce lactic acid build-up. Also, this song is fantastic.
Bob Vance: Mind if I steal my wife?
Dwight: You can't steal what is legally your property.
Bob Vance: Are those staples?
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Hey! Hey! Angela, no! No cleaning up!
Angela: You are forcing me to be down here. Am I not allowed to have some fun?
Michael: No... cleaning... up.
 • Rating: Unrated

Creed: Boss, this used to hang from my windshield but it belongs in here.
Michael: Hey, thank you, Creed. you're really getting this place.
Creed: No problem. I'll just have no idea who's driving behind me now.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dwight: This is oil from the gland of an otter. It keeps their fur water resistant, as well as traps heat. Now I need you to lie still for an hour.
Phyllis: An hour? I can't stay here an hour.
Dwight: Whoa! Whoa, whoa, girl. Whoa. Whoa.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phyllis: That feels good, Dwight.
Dwight: Tell me where it hurts.
Phylis: Right... mmmm... right there.
Dwight: Oh yeah. you've got a knot in your crest. This remedy has been passed down in my family for generations. and it always works. My grandfather was told that Diamond Dancer would never race again. they were wrong. He came in 9th in the Apple Creek Derby and his jerky came in 3rd the following year. A majestic beast. So fast. So tender.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Cafe Disco is dead but I can still hear the music in my head.
Creed: I hear it, too, Boss.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Andy: I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm in a dance off. Alright!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Andy: Yeah! I love the vibe down here.
Erin: Ashley! You made it!
Oscar: You invited someone?
Erin: Oh, yeah. Was I not allowed to do that?
Oscar: I've been here 8 years and I've never... [Erin walks away] Rude.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dwight: No kidding! She sits three feet from me. It's the most annoying thing. [mimics grinding teeth] It's like children singing Christmas carols.
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "The Office" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!