We're calling an audible. That's her call because she's the quarterback. I'm just the left tackle... who happened to get her pregnant.


Bear my child. I wanna have a child for business reasons and I want you to be the mother. If you agree, say nothing. If you disagree, say anything.

Dwight [to Angela]

Jim: [The baby] wasn't conceived here. Burning Man. Port-o-potty!
Michael: Yuck! TMI! How was it? Tell me later.

Contramptions! She's contrampting!


Jim: I do not plan on helping unless it's a boy.
Pam: I cannot wait for that joke to be over.

I cooked my way through Julia Child's cookbook. And now I'm halfway through the Twilight cookbook.


I'm been noticing a gaping hole in my life. Sometimes, I wake up cradling a gourd.


You cannot exploit your baby for sales.


It's not 'cause of the smell; I'm just expecting a nosebleed.


Michael: Where'd you get that information?
Oscar: Manual.
Michael: Manuel who?

Ryan: Did you see Saw?
Dwight: Of course I seesaw, Mose and I seesaw all the time.

If I got that card, we'd be in the bathroom doing it right now.


The Office Season 6 Quotes

If onlys and justs were candies and nuts, then everyday would be un de donkfest!


Jim is my enemy. But it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So Jim, is actually my friend. But, because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy so actually Jim is my enemy. But-