I am calling because I'm going to have to fire your daughter Holly because she's such a terrible employee. I'm just kidding.

Michael

Old Lady: How much for the Slip 'n Slide?
Michael: Get lost.

Schrutes are farmers by hobby and traders by trade.

Dwight

Packer is going to be here til the day he dies, just like the rest of us.

Michael

You've been on the road a long time, and you've been an outdoor cat. And now you have to be an indoor cat, so you can't be peeing all over the walls.

Michael

Packer: So you two are married now right?
Jim: Yeah.
Packer: That's sweet. How's the sex?

Packer: Yeah you know how to read a menu!
Kevin: He's right. I could lose some weight.

Dwight: Who's dirt box is this?
Holly: That's our zen garden.
Dwight: What are you growing here, bull crap?

Packer: It's great to be among friends... until then, you suckers will do.
Kevin: Nice. We got burned.

Michael: Just so you know. He's at his funniest when you give him like five shots. And it also helps if you've had five shots.
Holly: I already have.

Michae: Angela loves pussycats, Packer loves...
Angela: Don't!
Michael: I was going to say dogs!

If you donated my computer to Africa, it would become famous as the slowest computer in Africa.

Andy

The Office Season 7 Quotes

Yes, I have a dream... I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there's a button I can press and launch that lighthouse into space.

Stanley

Holly: Michael, you cried at that tag line for a movie you made up.
Michael: He had no arms or legs. He couldn't see, hear or speak. This is how he led a nation.