I am calling because I'm going to have to fire your daughter Holly because she's such a terrible employee. I'm just kidding.


Old Lady: How much for the Slip 'n Slide?
Michael: Get lost.

Schrutes are farmers by hobby and traders by trade.


Packer is going to be here til the day he dies, just like the rest of us.


You've been on the road a long time, and you've been an outdoor cat. And now you have to be an indoor cat, so you can't be peeing all over the walls.


Packer: So you two are married now right?
Jim: Yeah.
Packer: That's sweet. How's the sex?

Packer: Yeah you know how to read a menu!
Kevin: He's right. I could lose some weight.

Dwight: Who's dirt box is this?
Holly: That's our zen garden.
Dwight: What are you growing here, bull crap?

Packer: It's great to be among friends... until then, you suckers will do.
Kevin: Nice. We got burned.

Michael: Just so you know. He's at his funniest when you give him like five shots. And it also helps if you've had five shots.
Holly: I already have.

Michae: Angela loves pussycats, Packer loves...
Angela: Don't!
Michael: I was going to say dogs!

If you donated my computer to Africa, it would become famous as the slowest computer in Africa.


The Office Season 7 Quotes

Halloween should be a day where we honor monsters and not be mad at each other.


Two eyes, two ears, a chine, a mouth, 10 fingers, two nipples, a butt, two kneecaps, a penis. I have just described to you the Lochness Monster, and the reward for its capture...all the riches in Scotland. So I have one question, why are you her