I can think like Michael. Alright, I'm deep below the ocean's surface in a submarine. A torpedo is coming right at me...No! Damn it! That's just my own imagination.


Is that a palm tree or did Gabe get skinnier? Either way, let's pee on it.

Gabe [reading]

He answers to Michael, Michael G. Scott, Michael J. Fox, Mr. Fox, The Incredible Mr. Fox...


You drive. I got a car full of fox meat.


Problem solved everyone. Space Orphan and Princess Nincumpoop are off to rescue Michael.


Pam: Got it. I will put out an A.P.B. Otherwise known as an Ask Pam Beasley...Did the phone cut out?
Jim: Nope.

I'm upset. My bladder is full. There is no telling what I might do right now, all over the inside of your precious little car.


Her personality is like a three. Her sense of humor is a two. Her ears are like a seven, and a four. Add it all up and what do you get? 16. And he treats her like she's a perfect forty.


Why does the Sun rise in the morning? Why do magnets stick together? Because everybody says so. Everybody.


Ryan: I don't wanna be married until everyone can be married.
Oscar: You know what Ryan? I talked to the other gay guys, and we're okay with it. We all agreed it's fine for you to get married.

Where's your jet pack, Zuckerburg?

Tom [to Jim]

Two eyes, two ears, a chine, a mouth, 10 fingers, two nipples, a butt, two kneecaps, a penis. I have just described to you the Lochness Monster, and the reward for its capture...all the riches in Scotland. So I have one question, why are you her


The Office Season 7 Quotes

In the end, the greatest snowball isn't a snowball at all...it's fear. Merry Christmas.


Yes, I have a dream... I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there's a button I can press and launch that lighthouse into space.