I moved here because on a calculator, the ZIP Code spells "boobs."

Moe

If I wanted to pay for commercials I can't skip, I'd sign up for Hulu Plus.

Homer

What kind of civilized people eat the body and blood of their savior?
[camera pans to Reverend Lovejoy...]

Marge

My lifestyle is my retirement plan.

Homer

Behold! I am Captain Kirk from Star Trek 1! 2 ... 5 ... Generations ... Boston Legal.

Comic Book Guy

Lisa: Congratulations. You're officially a sociopath.
Bart: At least I'm on a path.

Oh, fudge. That's...broken. Fiddle dee dee. That will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear, but I am going to...kick this dog house down!
Homer goes into a rage.)

</i> Homer

Moe: Pretty much if it moves, you can bet on it.
Homer: What about the Detroit Lions?
Moe: Hey, lay off Detroit. Them people is livin' in Mad Max times.

They don't call me "Springfield Fats" just because I'm morbidly obese!

Homer

Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and um Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!

Homer

Ahh, a sand horse, car of the desert.

Homer [referring to a camel]

I like to cry at the ocean, because only there do my tears seem small.

</i> Nelson

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.