They don't call me "Springfield Fats" just because I'm morbidly obese!

Homer

I moved here because on a calculator, the ZIP Code spells "boobs."

Moe

Lisa: Congratulations. You're officially a sociopath.
Bart: At least I'm on a path.

Behold! I am Captain Kirk from Star Trek 1! 2 ... 5 ... Generations ... Boston Legal.

Comic Book Guy

My lifestyle is my retirement plan.

Homer

Oh, fudge. That's...broken. Fiddle dee dee. That will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear, but I am going to...kick this dog house down!
Homer goes into a rage.)

</i> Homer

Moe: Pretty much if it moves, you can bet on it.
Homer: What about the Detroit Lions?
Moe: Hey, lay off Detroit. Them people is livin' in Mad Max times.

If I wanted to pay for commercials I can't skip, I'd sign up for Hulu Plus.

Homer

What kind of civilized people eat the body and blood of their savior?
[camera pans to Reverend Lovejoy...]

Marge

Patty: I can't believe Aunt Gladys is really gone.
Selma: Her legend will live forever.
Homer's Brain: Yeah. The legend of the dog-faced woman.
Homer: Legend of the dog-faced woman! Oh, that's good!

Selma: What a cheap date.
Moe: I'm not cheap baby. I'm embarrassed to be seen with you. There's a big difference.

Ralph: What's a battle?
Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, lets go.
Superintendent Chalmers: Did that boy say what's a battle?
Principal Skinner: No he said What's that rattle, it's about the heating duct.
Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.
Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so--
Superintendent Chalmers: Oh so you hear r's as b's?

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.

Grampa