If I wanted to pay for commercials I can't skip, I'd sign up for Hulu Plus.


Behold! I am Captain Kirk from Star Trek 1! 2 ... 5 ... Generations ... Boston Legal.

Comic Book Guy

Lisa: Congratulations. You're officially a sociopath.
Bart: At least I'm on a path.

Moe: Pretty much if it moves, you can bet on it.
Homer: What about the Detroit Lions?
Moe: Hey, lay off Detroit. Them people is livin' in Mad Max times.

What kind of civilized people eat the body and blood of their savior?
[camera pans to Reverend Lovejoy...]


They don't call me "Springfield Fats" just because I'm morbidly obese!


My lifestyle is my retirement plan.


Oh, fudge. That's...broken. Fiddle dee dee. That will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear, but I am going to...kick this dog house down!
Homer goes into a rage.)

</i> Homer

I moved here because on a calculator, the ZIP Code spells "boobs."


Son, a woman is a lot like a... a refrigerator! They're about six feet tall, 300 pounds. They make ice, and um Oh, wait a minute! Actually, a woman is more like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you'd step over your own mother just to get one! But you can't stop at one, you wanna drink another woman!


Sideshow Bob has no decency, he called me, Chief Piggum! (everybody laughs) Oh ah, now I get it! Haha, that's good!

Chief Wiggum

That school is so great. Teachers teach so much better when they're paid in money and not chickens.


The Simpsons Quotes

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.


Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!