They don't call me "Springfield Fats" just because I'm morbidly obese!

Homer

What kind of civilized people eat the body and blood of their savior?
[camera pans to Reverend Lovejoy...]

Marge

Oh, fudge. That's...broken. Fiddle dee dee. That will require a tetanus shot. I'm not going to swear, but I am going to...kick this dog house down!
Homer goes into a rage.)

</i> Homer

Moe: Pretty much if it moves, you can bet on it.
Homer: What about the Detroit Lions?
Moe: Hey, lay off Detroit. Them people is livin' in Mad Max times.

My lifestyle is my retirement plan.

Homer

Lisa: Congratulations. You're officially a sociopath.
Bart: At least I'm on a path.

If I wanted to pay for commercials I can't skip, I'd sign up for Hulu Plus.

Homer

I moved here because on a calculator, the ZIP Code spells "boobs."

Moe

Behold! I am Captain Kirk from Star Trek 1! 2 ... 5 ... Generations ... Boston Legal.

Comic Book Guy

I didn't get anybody pregnant. I didn't Facebook a kid to death. Make with my dirt bike!

Bart

Ahh, a sand horse, car of the desert.

Homer [referring to a camel]

Marge: A lot of people sound like Sideshow Bob. Like Frasier on Cheers.
Homer: Or Frasier on Fraiser.
Marge: Or Lt. Cmdr. Tom Dodge in Down Periscope.

The Simpsons Quotes

(Picking out a Tuxedo for Bart. He doesn't look pleased with his puffy shirt tuxedo.)
Bart: (frowning) Isn't this shirt kinda gay?
Clerk: Last time I checked, pirates weren't gay.
Homer: Eww, how'd you check?

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart