Patty: I can't believe Aunt Gladys is really gone.
Selma: Her legend will live forever.
Homer's Brain: Yeah. The legend of the dog-faced woman.
Homer: Legend of the dog-faced woman! Oh, that's good!

Selma: What a cheap date.
Moe: I'm not cheap baby. I'm embarrassed to be seen with you. There's a big difference.

That school is so great. Teachers teach so much better when they're paid in money and not chickens.

Lisa

I didn't get anybody pregnant. I didn't Facebook a kid to death. Make with my dirt bike!

Bart

Sideshow Bob has no decency, he called me, Chief Piggum! (everybody laughs) Oh ah, now I get it! Haha, that's good!

Chief Wiggum

Gentlemen, you've both worked very hard, and in a way you're both winners. But in another, more accurate way, Barney is the winner.

NASA Man

I like to cry at the ocean, because only there do my tears seem small.

</i> Nelson

Homer: Aw, twenty dollars? I wanted a peanut!
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how!
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.

Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball and release it at an approprate time. Like that day I hit the referee with a whiskey bottle. Remember that, when daddy hit the referee?

Homer

Reverend Lovejoy: Homer, you remember Matthew 21-27, "The Foolish man who built his house on sand".
Homer: And you remember Matthew...21-17?
Reverend Lovejoy: And he left them, and went out of the city into Bethany; and he lodged there?
Homer: Yeah...(regains confidence) think about it.

Marge: Why don't you take this potato? It's pretty big.
Bart: Mom, you're always trying to give me potatoes. What is it with you?
Marge: I just think they're neat.

Why is there a steering wheel in my bedroom?

Otto

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.

Grampa