Sideshow Bob has no decency, he called me, Chief Piggum! (everybody laughs) Oh ah, now I get it! Haha, that's good!

Chief Wiggum

Ha, Ha! I touched your heart!

</i> Nelson

I didn't get anybody pregnant. I didn't Facebook a kid to death. Make with my dirt bike!

Bart

Marge: A lot of people sound like Sideshow Bob. Like Frasier on Cheers.
Homer: Or Frasier on Fraiser.
Marge: Or Lt. Cmdr. Tom Dodge in Down Periscope.

Ralph: What's a battle?
Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, lets go.
Superintendent Chalmers: Did that boy say what's a battle?
Principal Skinner: No he said What's that rattle, it's about the heating duct.
Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.
Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so--
Superintendent Chalmers: Oh so you hear r's as b's?

That school is so great. Teachers teach so much better when they're paid in money and not chickens.

Lisa

I like to cry at the ocean, because only there do my tears seem small.

</i> Nelson

Patty: I can't believe Aunt Gladys is really gone.
Selma: Her legend will live forever.
Homer's Brain: Yeah. The legend of the dog-faced woman.
Homer: Legend of the dog-faced woman! Oh, that's good!

Like Mozart and Johnny Knoxville, my genius can not be stopped.

Homer

If Jesus had a gun, he'd be alive today.

Homer

God, if you don't bring my Lisa home safe, ants will burn tonight!

Nelson

Ralph: Mr. Luther King had a dream. Dreams are where Elmo and Toy Story had a party, and I went there. Yay, my turn is over.
Principal Skinner: One of your best Ralph.

The Simpsons Quotes

Marge: Tomorrow night, it might be nice to go out for dinner.
Homer: Tomorrow night? Friday? Pork chop night? Marge! We haven't missed pork chop night since the great pig scare in '87!

Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Bart