Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

That school is so great. Teachers teach so much better when they're paid in money and not chickens.

Lisa

Selma: What a cheap date.
Moe: I'm not cheap baby. I'm embarrassed to be seen with you. There's a big difference.

I like to cry at the ocean, because only there do my tears seem small.

</i> Nelson

I didn't get anybody pregnant. I didn't Facebook a kid to death. Make with my dirt bike!

Bart

Sideshow Bob has no decency, he called me, Chief Piggum! (everybody laughs) Oh ah, now I get it! Haha, that's good!

Chief Wiggum

Ahh, a sand horse, car of the desert.

Homer [referring to a camel]

If I wanted to pay for commercials I can't skip, I'd sign up for Hulu Plus.

Homer

Like Mozart and Johnny Knoxville, my genius can not be stopped.

Homer

Ned: Our bible study group is going to the holy land next month. I'd like to take you and your family along as my guests.
Homer: Hmm, let me think. Take my family to a war zone on a bus filled with religious lameos in a country with no pork in a desert with no casinos. Where do I sign up?
Marge: Homer, I can hear your sarcasm from inside the house and the dishwasher is on.

Rod: We thought you were gonna die.
Tod: And then Uncle Kevin would have to raise us.
Rod: And his funny friend, David.
Ned Flanders: Oh I'd put rocks in your pocket and walk you out to sea for before I'd let that happen.

Reverend Lovejoy: Homer, you remember Matthew 21-27, "The Foolish man who built his house on sand".
Homer: And you remember Matthew...21-17?
Reverend Lovejoy: And he left them, and went out of the city into Bethany; and he lodged there?
Homer: Yeah...(regains confidence) think about it.

This is a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters. Soon they'll have written the greatest novel known to man. Lets see. It was the best of times, it was the "blurst" of times! You stupid monkey!

Mr. Burns
Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 3399 in total

The Simpsons Quotes

"No one ever told me I mattered before."

Meg

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

×