Ha, Ha! I touched your heart!

</i> Nelson

Ahh, a sand horse, car of the desert.

Homer [referring to a camel]

That school is so great. Teachers teach so much better when they're paid in money and not chickens.

Lisa

Selma: What a cheap date.
Moe: I'm not cheap baby. I'm embarrassed to be seen with you. There's a big difference.

Marge: A lot of people sound like Sideshow Bob. Like Frasier on Cheers.
Homer: Or Frasier on Fraiser.
Marge: Or Lt. Cmdr. Tom Dodge in Down Periscope.

Sideshow Bob has no decency, he called me, Chief Piggum! (everybody laughs) Oh ah, now I get it! Haha, that's good!

Chief Wiggum

I didn't get anybody pregnant. I didn't Facebook a kid to death. Make with my dirt bike!

Bart

Patty: I can't believe Aunt Gladys is really gone.
Selma: Her legend will live forever.
Homer's Brain: Yeah. The legend of the dog-faced woman.
Homer: Legend of the dog-faced woman! Oh, that's good!

Grampa: The television only has one channel.
Aide: That's a fish tank!
Grampa: You're a fish tank.
Aide: That was hurtful. I wish I was a fish tank, then I could filter out his nasty words.

Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?
Fat Tony: Bart, um, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?
Bart: No.
Fat Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
Bart: Uh uh.
Fat Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? They like...cigarettes?
Bart: I guess that's okay.
Fat Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: Hell, no!
Fat Tony: Enjoy your gift.

Marge: We're too late!
Cobb: I shouldn't have stopped for that haircut. Sorry.

Rod: We thought you were gonna die.
Tod: And then Uncle Kevin would have to raise us.
Rod: And his funny friend, David.
Ned Flanders: Oh I'd put rocks in your pocket and walk you out to sea for before I'd let that happen.

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

Mr. Burns: Oh, and one more thing: you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr. Burns: And the road maps, and ice scraper?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place...