I like to cry at the ocean, because only there do my tears seem small.

</i> Nelson

Ha, Ha! I touched your heart!

</i> Nelson

Sideshow Bob has no decency, he called me, Chief Piggum! (everybody laughs) Oh ah, now I get it! Haha, that's good!

Chief Wiggum

Marge: A lot of people sound like Sideshow Bob. Like Frasier on Cheers.
Homer: Or Frasier on Fraiser.
Marge: Or Lt. Cmdr. Tom Dodge in Down Periscope.

That school is so great. Teachers teach so much better when they're paid in money and not chickens.

Lisa

Ralph: What's a battle?
Principal Skinner: Hahahaha, lets go.
Superintendent Chalmers: Did that boy say what's a battle?
Principal Skinner: No he said What's that rattle, it's about the heating duct.
Superintendent Chalmers: Hmm, it sounded like battle.
Principal Skinner: I've had a cold, so--
Superintendent Chalmers: Oh so you hear r's as b's?

Ahh, a sand horse, car of the desert.

Homer [referring to a camel]

Eddie: That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.
Chief Wiggum: Forget it. That's two blocks away.
Eddie: Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney!
Chief Wiggum: (Gets out of car) I am proceeding on foot. Call in a Code 8.
Eddie: (Into radio) We need pretzels. Repeat, pretzels.

Well, there's a rec room off the kitchen. But sometimes it's there and sometimes it isn't. Our house is very odd that way.

Marge

Why is there a steering wheel in my bedroom?

Otto

Marge, this is perfect for both of us! It's got bowling for me and sweeping for you.

Homer [about curling]

Marge: We're too late!
Cobb: I shouldn't have stopped for that haircut. Sorry.

The Simpsons Quotes

Homer: (Wearing glasses) The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side!
Man: (From inside a bathroom stall.) That's a right triangle, you idiot!
Homer: D'oh!

You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.

Grampa