The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite The Simpsons Quotes
Marge: We're too late!
Cobb: I shouldn't have stopped for that haircut. Sorry.
This is a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters. Soon they'll have written the greatest novel known to man. Lets see. It was the best of times, it was the "blurst" of times! You stupid monkey!
Mr. Burns
Well, there's a rec room off the kitchen. But sometimes it's there and sometimes it isn't. Our house is very odd that way.
Marge
Just squeeze your rage into a bitter little ball and release it at an approprate time. Like that day I hit the referee with a whiskey bottle. Remember that, when daddy hit the referee?
Homer
Homer: Do you want to change your name to Homer Junior? The kids can call you Ho-Ju!
Bart: ...I'll get back to you.
Marge, this is perfect for both of us! It's got bowling for me and sweeping for you.
Homer [about curling]
(While watching a glowing Homer behind an X-ray)
Dr. Hibbert: Now Mrs. Simpson, what you see here is the radioactive dye we injected into your husband's bloodstream.
Nurse: But doctor! I haven't injected the dye yet!
Dr. Hibbert: Dear lord...
He slept, he stole, he was rude to the customers. Still, there goes the best damned employee a convenience store ever had.
</i> Apu
Ned: Our bible study group is going to the holy land next month. I'd like to take you and your family along as my guests.
Homer: Hmm, let me think. Take my family to a war zone on a bus filled with religious lameos in a country with no pork in a desert with no casinos. Where do I sign up?
Marge: Homer, I can hear your sarcasm from inside the house and the dishwasher is on.
Marge: Why don't you take this potato? It's pretty big.
Bart: Mom, you're always trying to give me potatoes. What is it with you?
Marge: I just think they're neat.
Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?
Fat Tony: Bart, um, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving family?
Bart: No.
Fat Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal a truckload of bread to feed them?
Bart: Uh uh.
Fat Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? They like...cigarettes?
Bart: I guess that's okay.
Fat Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: Hell, no!
Fat Tony: Enjoy your gift.
Eddie: That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.
Chief Wiggum: Forget it. That's two blocks away.
Eddie: Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney!
Chief Wiggum: (Gets out of car) I am proceeding on foot. Call in a Code 8.
Eddie: (Into radio) We need pretzels. Repeat, pretzels.
