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The-simpsons

Homer: Son, there was something I was going to give you at the end of this trip, but since we may not survive, I want you to have it now.
Bart: A real Swiss Army knife! Cool!
Homer: I stole it from that Borgnine guy.
(Scene switches to the other campers confronted with a bear.)
Ernest Borgnine: Don't worry, kids! I'll take care of him with my trusty (searches for his knife)er, er, um, er, uh, hmm.

Captain McCallister: Arr, here be a fine vessel, the yarest river-going boat there be.
Homer: I'll take it!
(The raft sinks.)
Captain McCallister: (Sadly) Arr, I don't know what I'm doing.

Bart: (Thinking) Look, Homer won't want to go, so just ask him and he'll say no. Then it'll be his fault.
Homer: (Thinking) I don't want to go, so if he asks me to go, I'll just say, yes!
Homer's Brain: Wait! Are you sure that's how this sort of thing works?
Homer: Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!
Bart: (Through clenched teeth) Dad, I really want you to come on this trip with me.
Homer: (Through clenched teeth) Bart, I'd be delighted to go on your trip with you.
Bart & Homer: D'oh!

Homer: Well, if it isn't the leader of the wiener patrol, boning up on his nerd lessons.
Marge: Homer, you should be more supportive.
Homer: You're right, Marge. Good work, boy. (ruffles his hair while Marge leaves) (singing) Egghead likes his booky-books!
Marge: Homer!
Homer: Just tucking him in.

Ned: Well, it's Bart Simpson...come on in! You're just in time for "Sponge Bath the Old Folks" Day!
Jasper: Help yourself...but stay above the equator!

Nelson: What's in the bag, wuss? (grabs it from Bart) Oh, look, Campers Pampers.
(Dolph, Jimbo, and Kearney appear, and they start to play "Keep Away.")
Bart: Yeah, whatever. (walks away)
Jimbo: Uh You better pretend you want your uniform back, twerp!
(The bullies begin to play "Keep Away" again.)
Bart: Oh, no. Woe is me. My precious uniform.

Bart: Oh, man, how are we supposed to kill the rest of the afternoon?
Bum: You mustn't kill time, boys, you must cherish it. Seize the day! Can I have some change to go get loaded?

Bart: Aw, I'm out of money.
Milhouse: Don't say that out loud.
(Security men watching them on TV screens.)
Security Man: Caucasian males out of money in sector four. Go to code red.

Homer: Oh, what does it matter? We're doomed!
Ned: (Sees a seagull) Wrong, we're saved! Seagulls always stay near land! They only go out to sea to die!
(The seagull squawks as it lands in the water and dies.)
Homer: Woo-hoo! See that, boy?! Your old man was right, not Flanders! We are doomed! (Points to Ned) In your face, Flanders!

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