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Bart: Mom, Dad, I saw Sideshow Bob and he threatened to kill me!
Homer: Bart, don't interrupt!
Marge: Homer, this is serious!
Homer: Oh, it is not.

I'll be Gus, the lovable chimney-sweep. Clean as a whistle, sharp as a thistle, best in all Westminster.

Bart

Bart: Grampa, Matlock's not real.
Grampa: Neither are my teeth, but I can still eat corn on the cob, if someone cuts it off and smushes it into a fine paste. Now that's good eatin'!

Oh my God! Someone's trying to kill me!! Oh, wait, it's for Bart.

Homer

Homer: If you don't mind we're trying to watch the mov...
Guy on Movie: Hey Merv, help me get my head outta this toilet!
Homer: (erruption of laughter)

Selma: Sideshow Bob tried to kill me on our Honeymoon!
Lawyer: How many people in this court are thinking of killing her right now! Be honest.... (Patty's hand goes up)
Patty: Aaah, she's always leaving the toilet seat up.

Sideshow Bob has no decency, he called me, Chief Piggum! (everybody laughs) Oh ah, now I get it! Haha, that's good!

Chief Wiggum

Marge: Bart... I'm going to get you..... some ice cream at the store since I'm saving so much money on Diet Cola!
Ned: Say your prayers, Simpson... Because the schools can't force you like they should!... Maude, these new finger razors make hedge trimming as much fun as sitting through church!
Edna: You're going to be my murder victim... BART! In our school production of Lizzy Borden, starring Martin Prince as Lizzy!
Martin: Forty whacks with a wet noodle, Bart!

Milhouse: I checked around... the girls are calling you Fatty Fat Fat Fat and Nelson's planning to pull down your pants. But, nobody's trying to kill ya.
Bart: Aaah... that's good.
Nelson: pulls down pants
Group Of Girls: Fatty fat fat fat, fatty fatty fat fat!

Homer: Hey kids, wanna drive through that cactus patch?
Bart: Yeah!
Lisa: Yeah!
Sideshow Bob: (from under the car) No!
Homer: Well, two against one.

Hey, that's some outfit. It makes you look like a homosexual. (Audience boos) Maybe you all are homosexuals too!

McBain

Bart: Take him away, boys.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake him away, toys.
Lou: What'd you say, chief?
Chief Wiggum: Do what the kid said.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 25 in total

The Simpsons Season 5 Episode 2 Quotes

Bart: Take him away, boys.
Chief Wiggum: Hey, I'm the chief here! Bake him away, toys.
Lou: What'd you say, chief?
Chief Wiggum: Do what the kid said.

Anya: (in a girls voice) "Dear Lisa, as write this, I am very sad. Our president has been overthrown...(man's voice) and replaced by the benevolent General Krull! All hail Krull, and his glorious new regime! Sincerely, little girl."
Lisa: (groans)

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