The Simpsons

The Simpsons "Cape Feare" Quotes

(Bart and Lisa are watching "Up Late with McBain")
Bart: This is horrible.
Lisa: The FOX network has sunk to a new low.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Woman: No one who speaks German could be evil.
 • Rating: Unrated

Voice of Ernest: Hey Vern, help me get my head out of this toilet! (flushing sound)
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Grampa: I'm cold and there are wolves after me.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lawyer: What about that tattoo on your chest? Doesn't it say "Die, Bart, Die"?
Sideshow Bob: No, that's German for "The Bart, The".
 • Rating: Unrated

Bob: Bart Simpson, that mischeivous little scamp that twice sent me to that dank urine soaked hellhole.
Parole Officer: Uh...We object to the term "urine soaked hellhole," when you could of used "peepee soaked heckhole."
Bob: Cheerfully withdrawn.
 • Rating: Unrated

Snake: Use a pen, Sideshow Bob!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lisa: Bart, I figured it out! Who's someone you've been making irritating phone calls to for years?
Bart: Linda Lavin?
Lisa: No, someone who didn't deserve it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bart/Lisa: Aah! Sideshow Bob!
Bart: You wrote me those letters!
Marge: You awful man! Stay away from my son.
Bob: Oh, I'll stay away from your son, all right. (evilly) Stay away...forever!
Homer: (quaking) No!
Bob: Wait a minute, that's no good. (Starts to walk away, then runs back) Wait! I've got a good one now. Marge, say, "Stay away from my son," again.
Marge: (angrily) No!
Bob: (groaning) Oh...
 • Rating: Unrated

Chief Wiggum: I'd like to help you ma'am, but, heh heh, I'm afraid there's no law against mailing threatening letters.
Marge: (indignantly) I'm pretty sure there is.
Chief Wiggum: Hah! The day I take cop lessons from Ma Kettle --
Lou: Hey, she's right, Chief. (shows him "Springfield Law".)
Chief Wiggum: Well, shut my mouth. It's ALSO illegal to put squirrels down your pants for the purposes of gambling.
(Shot of Eddie the cop with squirrels running around in his pants, and a bunch of cops watching and laughing) Boys, knock it off!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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