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The-simpsons

We're not thieves. We're scavengers. Like the beautiful vulture, or the heroic tapeworm, or America's sweetheart, the maggot.

Homer

Look at me, guys! I'm stealing five Segways at once. And speaking of segue ways, I'm off to my next morally questionable activity.

Homer

Marge: Just come back alive, okay?
Homer: Don't tell me how to do my job!

(bowing to Homer) King of thieves, we worship you!

Apu and Moe

Homer: Moe, can we talk?
Moe: Are you crazy? It's 500 degrees in here! (Checks thermometer) Oh no wait, it's only 495. What's on your mind?

Homer: Moe, I can save you if you let go of the grandfather clock.
Moe: But it's been in my family for over 40 seconds!

Thank God there's a fire. Marge's birthday is coming up.

Homer

(to Skinner) It would be a shame if the next fire you fought was in hell!

Apu

Marge: I'm sorry, Maggie, but growing up means giving up the things you love.
Grampa: It's true. I had to give up everything but raisins, and the doctor says even those are killing me. Sweet, plump coffin nails they are.

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