Homer: I can't wait for my first fire. Is that one?
Lisa: That's just someone barbecuing.
Homer: Is that one?
Bart: That's a guy with red hair.

It is with great pride that I place the safety of our city in the hands of the first four people who showed up.

Mayor Quimby

Moe: You know, I think I'll volunteer, too.
Barney: Why'd you say "too"?
Moe: Well, I assume I'm not the first one.

Oh, I have 3 kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and 3 money!?


Firefighter: You've horribly injured the whole fire department!
Homer: Who are you, a travel agent? 'Cause you're sending me on a guilt trip!
Firefighter: Sorry.

Why am I sleeping when right next door is every kid's dream - - a fat, suggestible, zombie dad?


(Dazed) Zombie montage.


Rod: But users are losers!
Homer: You're confusing drugs with druuuuuuugs!

Marge: Homer, I think you dominoed this.
Homer: That's ridiculous. If I had set up those dominoes I'd be wearing my special domino-setting-up knee pads.
(lifts pant legs to reveal he's wearing Dominex knee pads)

The Simpsons Season 18 Episode 19 Quotes

We're not thieves. We're scavengers. Like the beautiful vulture, or the heroic tapeworm, or America's sweetheart, the maggot.


Marge: I'm sorry, Maggie, but growing up means giving up the things you love.
Grampa: It's true. I had to give up everything but raisins, and the doctor says even those are killing me. Sweet, plump coffin nails they are.