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Sylvia: My horoscope told me I would meet the man of my dreams today.
Homer: Well, a horoscope wouldn't lie to a pretty girl like you.

Homer: How many times must I say I'm sorry?
Marge: You haven't said you're sorry.
Homer: I know. I was hoping the number would be zero.

Patty: I can't believe Homer ruined another family barbecue.
Homer: (offended) Hey! Everybody pees in the pool!
Patty: Not from the diving board!

(Marge and Homer are kissing in the back of the peddle car)
Bart: Knock it off back there!
Homer: But we're married!
Bart: Ok, but keep it PG.
Homer: How about R?
Bart: PG-13.
Homer: Woohoo! Adult situations!
(Marge and Homer continue kissing)

(to Marge) I see the word "vacancy" is lit, and the word "no" is not. Let us pray the "no" is not broken, huh?


I'm cuckoo for killing stuff!


Marge: I can't believe one of the most beautiful moments in our marriage is based on lies!
Homer: You're just as bad as me, and you used to be better, so that makes you worse!

A log cabin? What am I, Davy Crockett? Also, who's Davy Crockett?


Marge: Let's pick up those hitch-hikers. They don't look like the stabby kind.
Lisa: Mom, you said all hitch-hikers were drug-crazed thrill seekers.
Marge: I said they were thrill-crazed drug seekers. Don't put words in my mouth.

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