Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

Smithers: Wanna buy some cookies, wanna buy some cookies?
(Santa's Little Helper runs up to Smithers and greets him)
Burns: If that were a real girl scout, I would have been bothered by now!

Well neighbor, I see you've got your running shoes on, that's a good thing!....Smithers, release the hounds.
(Flanders runs and screams like a litle girl)

Burns

The state lottery, where everybody wins! (quickly) Actual odds of winning one in three hundred and eighty million.

Announcer

Lisa: Poor Santa's Little Helper, I'm starting to think we'll never see him again!
Homer: That was his dish, and that was his leash...and that's where he took a whizz on the rug.

Homer: (on Kent Brockman) Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
Marge: What's that?
Homer: (Thinks for a moment) A dinosaur!

Marge: Well, we lost the money, but at least we still have each other.
Grampa: Hey, the dog's dead.

Kent Brockman: But there's already one big winner...Our state school system, which gets fully half the profits from the library.
Skinner: Just think what we can buy with that money...History books that know how the Korean War came out. Math books that don't have that base six crap in them! And a state-of-the-art detention hall, where children are held in place by magnets.

You don't understand, Marge. The lottery is the one ray of hope in my otherwise unbearable life! (pause) Uh, the lottery and you.

Homer

Bart: Oh, it's all my fault! I called him a dumb dog!
Homer: Oh, he's gone and he's never coming back...wait, there he is!...no, that's a horse.

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