Homer: Marge, I've figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of travelling acrobats!
Marge: I don't think you've thought this through...

If you were seventeen, we'd be rich, but nooo...you had to be ten!


Well neighbor, I see you've got your running shoes on, that's a good thing!....Smithers, release the hounds.
(Flanders runs and screams like a litle girl)


Bart: Oh, it's all my fault! I called him a dumb dog!
Homer: Oh, he's gone and he's never coming back...wait, there he is!...no, that's a horse.

Homer: (on Kent Brockman) Well, he's got all the money in the world, but there's one thing he can't buy.
Marge: What's that?
Homer: (Thinks for a moment) A dinosaur!

Marge: Well, we lost the money, but at least we still have each other.
Grampa: Hey, the dog's dead.

Kent Brockman: But there's already one big winner...Our state school system, which gets fully half the profits from the library.
Skinner: Just think what we can buy with that money...History books that know how the Korean War came out. Math books that don't have that base six crap in them! And a state-of-the-art detention hall, where children are held in place by magnets.

You don't understand, Marge. The lottery is the one ray of hope in my otherwise unbearable life! (pause) Uh, the lottery and you.


The state lottery, where everybody wins! (quickly) Actual odds of winning one in three hundred and eighty million.


Lisa: Poor Santa's Little Helper, I'm starting to think we'll never see him again!
Homer: That was his dish, and that was his leash...and that's where he took a whizz on the rug.

Smithers: Wanna buy some cookies, wanna buy some cookies?
(Santa's Little Helper runs up to Smithers and greets him)
Burns: If that were a real girl scout, I would have been bothered by now!

Bart, I need some lucky numbers, fast, how old are you? Uh huh, and what's your birthday?...No kidding, and what's Lisa's birthday? What, you don't know your sister's birthday, what kind of brother are you?


The Simpsons Season 3 Episode 19 Quotes

Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: Umm...if you did it, sir?

Veterinarian: This is the part of the job I hate the most. (Tosses hampster into trashcan with mini-basketball hoop)
Homer: Hey, you did the best you could.
Veterinarian: I love animals. I spend my life saving them and they can't thank me. Well, the parrots can. Let's see what's wrong with this one.