The Simpsons Season 5 Episode 16: "Homer Loves Flanders" Quotes
Marge: Homey, I'm very proud of you, but don't you think you're spending too much time with Ned? Your family needs you too.
Homer: Oh, of course you'd say something like that, Marge. You've hated Ned for years! In fact, you wanted to bash his head in with a pipe.
Marge: That was you!
Homer: Love, Marge. Don't hate... love.
- Permalink: Homey, I'm very proud of you, but don't you think you're spendin...
Marge: Honey, I'm so glad you're ho--
Homer: Can't talk, seeing Flanders. Later, sex.
- Permalink: Honey, I'm so glad you're ho-- Can't talk, seeing Flanders. L...
Homer: Ned, since you've let me spend time with your family, I want you to get to know my family. (they go to Moe's) Hey, everyone.
Homer: I'd like to introduce Ned Flanders, my best friend.
Moe: Hey, I don't want no one in here with their "evils of alcohol" rap.
Ned: Wait a second: you're the man at the hospital who reads to sick children.
Moe: (grabs Ned) If this gets out, the next words you say will be muffled by your own butt.
- Permalink: Ned, since you've let me spend time with your family, I want you...
(Homer throws a picture into the garbage)
Marge: Homer, that's our wedding photo!
Homer: Marge, quit living in the past.
- Permalink: Homer, that's our wedding photo! Marge, quit living in the pas...
Homer: If anyone can pull it off, it's Stan "The Boy" Taylor.
Crowd: Stan, Stan, he's our boy, If he can't do it, no one will.
- Permalink: If anyone can pull it off, it's Stan The Boy Taylor. Stan, Sta...
Homer: Well, I guess I should pay my share.
Ned: Relax, Homer. I keep telling you, you're my guest.
Homer: Ooh, you brought me a nacho hat! Thanks, Ned (singing) Nacho, nacho man, I want to be a nacho man
- Permalink: Well, I guess I should pay my share. Relax, Homer. I keep tell...
Mr. Burns: Men, there's a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital who wants you to win this game. I know because I crippled him myself to inspire you.
Milhouse: (to his mom and dad) I hope they win, or Mr. Burns said he's coming back.
- Permalink: Men, there's a little crippled boy sitting in a hospital who wan...
Marty: Oh, we have a winner! What's your name, sir?
Ned: Ned Flanders!
Homer: Oh, not Flanders, anybody but Flanders
Ned: Well, golly, if that doesn't put the "shaz" in "shazam." Oh, listen: what's the cash value of those tickets so I can report it on my income tax?
- Permalink: Oh, we have a winner! What's your name, sir? Ned Flanders! O...
Football Fan: Give me, er, 30,000 tickets.
Ticket Lady: That'll be $950,000 please.
Football Fan: Look, the thing about that is, I only got $10 on me. Can I pay you the rest later?
Ticket Lady: Sure.
- Permalink: Give me, er, 30,000 tickets. That'll be $950,000 please. Loo...
Bart: Hey Dad, sell you these for fifty bucks
Homer: Woo hoo! Sold. (Bart takes the money and runs off)
Marge: Those aren't tickets to the game, Homer.
Homer: What do you mean? It says right here: "Free wig with every purchase of large wig. Downtown Wig Center". Why you little
- Permalink: Hey Dad, sell you these for fifty bucks Woo hoo! Sold. Thos...
(recieves a football) Wow! Thanks. Now I have four children You will be called "stitch face."
- Permalink: Wow! Thanks. Now I have four children You will be called stitch ...
Lisa: Dad and Ned Flanders friends? Hah! What's next? A's on Bart's report card?
(She, Marge and Bart laugh together)
Bart: (Stops laughing) Hey!
- Permalink: Dad and Ned Flanders friends? Hah! What's next? A's on Bart's re...