The Simpsons Season 18 Episode 16: "Homerazzi" Quotes
Homer: Look at those celebrities, I've met them all, and yet they don't acknowledge my existence.
Betty White: Hello Homer, have you lost weight?
Homer: Oh like you care Betty White.
Betty White: Tell me, how's Maggie?
Homer: Her name is Marge!
Betty White: I was talking about your baby.
Homer: Oh, uh, she's looking very (Snaps picture) SNAPPY!
Betty White: Thanks for taking my picture. If you want me to sign it, here's a stamped self-addressed envelope, and give Santa's Little Helper a big hug for me.
Homer: (shakes fist) Yeah, that's right, just walk away.
- Permalink: Look at those celebrities, I've met them all, and yet they don't...
What's with technology today? I-Pod, I-Tunes, I give up!Krusty Doll
- Permalink: What's with technology today? I-Pod, I-Tunes, I give up!
Krusty Doll: Where do kids today get these band names? The Kinks? The Stones? Sounds like my last physical!
Bart: Ha ha, references.
- Permalink: Where do kids today get these band names? The Kinks? The Stones?...
(sadly) Oh Captain Janeway! Your mission ended too soon!
- Permalink: Oh Captain Janeway! Your mission ended too soon!
(About the album) It was like a resume to a man.Marge
- Permalink: It was like a resume to a man.
Homer: Aw, our kids use to be so cute.
Bart: Used to?
Homer: Oh, deal with it!
- Permalink: Aw, our kids use to be so cute. Used to? Oh, deal with it!
I don't need to make a wish, because I already have this wonderful family . . . I wish for infinity hamburgers.</i> Homer
- Permalink: I don't need to make a wish, because I already have this wonderf...
Do you know how many fires are started by birthday candles? If you do, tell me. It would settle a bet down at the station house. I say five, Gus says a million.Firefighter
- Permalink: Do you know how many fires are started by birthday candles? If y...
Dad, you're out of shape even for an American.Lisa
- Permalink: Dad, you're out of shape even for an American.
(slowly) How do you want your comeuppance? 8x10, or wallet size!?
- Permalink: How do you want your comeuppance? 8x10, or wallet size!?
Waitress: Stem cell fajita?
Rainer: Leave the tray.
- Permalink: Stem cell fajita? Leave the tray.
Can't I even have privacy here!?
(Camera pans to Homer showering under a fire hydrant.)
- Permalink: Can't I even have privacy here!?
(After the family puts their special items in the safe, smoke begins coming out.)
Bart: What's that comin' out of the safe?
Homer: I don't know--Maybe the Krusty doll accidentally turned on the car's headlights, which focused on the cologne bottle, causing it to boil and soon explode.
Lisa: Dad, that's ridiculous!
(The safe blows apart from the explosion.)
Krusty Doll: What's the deal with this California pizza? If I wanted cheese and fruit--(As it burns from the flames and begins melting)--I'd...have...to...(Melts into a plastic puddle)
Marge: (Devastated when the family album falls apart into ashes) Nooooooo! It's gone! That family album was a record of my accomplishments! It's like what a resume is for a man.
Lisa: I agree, Mom. It's very sad. But we'll have to move on. It's not like we can restage all our family photos.
Marge: (Becoming delighted upon the idea) Restage the photos!
Bart: Lisa you fool, you've doomed us all!
(Marge quickly puts a baby bonnet on him and snaps a shot with her camera as he cries out before she takes a second shot, which is among the first ones seen in the new family album.)
- Permalink: What's that comin' out of the safe? I don't know--Maybe the Kr...
Lenny: Homer, don't be so quick to abandon this paparazzo thing.
Carl: Yeah, it's the American tradition to cut people down to size because they're brought so much joy into our lives.
Lenny: You know who I can't stand? That Robin Williams. You know one time I saw him eating dinner with his children. He wouldn't take the time out to do all the funny bits from his movies.
Carl: And my sister once saw Burt Reynolds at an airport, and he wouldn't even cosign her mortgage.
Homer: You guys are right! I should get back into the game. (Moaning) Oh, but I threw away my camera!
Moe: Oh, here. (Hands Homer his camera) Use this one. I was gonna use it to take secret photos in the ladies' toilet, but no dames ever come in this joint.
Homer: Thanks, Moe. (Leaves the bar)
(Two pretty women enter)
Woman #1: Excuse me, do you have a ladies' room?
Woman #2: We need to trade bras and panties.
Moe: Oh! You gotta be kidding me! (Breaks a beer bottle horizontally with his hands.)
- Permalink: Homer, don't be so quick to abandon this paparazzo thing. Yeah...