Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX

Now Maggie, I had to use your car seat to hold the new TV Guide, so I'm gonna hang you from the mirror.

First Amendment rules, privacy drools!

Waitress: Stem cell fajita?
Rainer: Leave the tray.

Can't I even have privacy here!?
(Camera pans to Homer showering under a fire hydrant.)

(to Paris Texan) Hey Paris! I saw an ugly part of your body on the internet, your face!


Do you know how many fires are started by birthday candles? If you do, tell me. It would settle a bet down at the station house. I say five, Gus says a million.


Dad, you're out of shape even for an American.


(slowly) How do you want your comeuppance? 8x10, or wallet size!?

(Marge reads The Inquisitor at the Quik-E-Mart)
Marge: Sideshow Mel is in a custody battle? And it's getting bitter?
Apu: Read one more thing, and it's a purchase!
Marge: "Experts disagree on location of Heaven"?
Apu: Purchase!

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