Can I borrow that ostrich?

Chief Wiggum

• Permalink: Can I borrow that ostrich?
• Added: December 22, 2010

Jazz folks may have the smallest apartments, but they have the biggest hearts! And the biggest heart I know lives inside my sister, Lisa.
(entire audience gasps)

Bart

• Permalink: Jazz folks may have the smallest apartments, but they have the b...
• Added: December 22, 2010

Jazzy Goodtimes Waiter: What it is, hip cats? Would you like me to scat-sing the menu?
Bart: Hell, no.
Jazzy Goodtimes Waiter: Oh, god bless you, sir!

• Permalink: What it is, hip cats? Would you like me to scat-sing the menu? ...
• Added: December 22, 2010

Bart: So how did Malt Liquor Mommy die?
Marge: Stop calling her that!

• Permalink: So how did Malt Liquor Mommy die? Stop calling her that!
• Added: December 22, 2010

All I wanted was to save those animals while Bart became a drummer, but I never thought the two stories would intersect!

Lisa

• Permalink: All I wanted was to save those animals while Bart became a drumm...
• Added: December 22, 2010

Bart: I need you to teach me all about the world of juzz.
Lisa: It's jazz! Jazz! You don't even know the name of the thing you're stealing from me!

• Permalink: I need you to teach me all about the world of juzz. It's jazz!...
• Added: December 22, 2010

Homer: Boy, get dressed! You're going to a jazz brunch as punishment for all the racket you're making.
Bart: I thought you wanted me to drum?
Homer: Hmph. I'm sending you mixed messages. Now get the hell out of here! (slams door then opens it again) I love you so much. Damn you!

• Permalink: Boy, get dressed! You're going to a jazz brunch as punishment fo...
• Added: December 22, 2010

Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: We were about to play a quick set and we were wondering if you
Lisa: Yes?
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Lisa Simpson
Lisa: Yes?
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Would do us the honor
Lisa: Yes!
Defonzo 'Skinny' Palmer: Of sitting in(Lisa gasps) that chair in the audience. We wanna jam with your brother.

• Permalink: We were about to play a quick set and we were wondering if you ...
• Added: December 22, 2010

My arm! It hurts where the tiger's biting it!

Bart

• Permalink: My arm! It hurts where the tiger's biting it!
• Added: December 22, 2010

(Bart practices his new drum set all over town and accidentally crashes into the band White Stripes.)
Jack White: Hey, kid, why don't you watch where you're drumming?!
Bart: Sorry, White Stripes. No hard feelings?
(Meg and Jack White look at each other.)
Meg White: Let's kick his ass!

• Permalink: Hey, kid, why don't you watch where you're drumming?! Sorry, W...
• Added: December 22, 2010

(Marge is stressed about the possible doom of Lisa's animals.)
Bart: Oh, this benfit concert is gonna be Scooby Dooby!
Marge: I'm very happy for you, Bart. (Sighs)
Bart: Why are you sad? Thinkin' about your marriage?

• Permalink: Oh, this benfit concert is gonna be Scooby Dooby! I'm very hap...
• Added: December 22, 2010

(The dog Lisa didn't pick at the Animal Shelter comes back to haunt her in her sleep.)
Dog Spirit: Lisa Simpson, you've doomed me.
Lisa: Me? How?
Dog Spirit: By choosing the cuter puppy. You picked looks over personality, youth over experience, no history of rabies over unknown rabies status. And now I'm going to die!
Lisa: I never wanted that to happen!
Dog Spirit: You suuuck, You suuuck!
(The Dog Spirit scratches on Lisa's door to get out and Lisa opens it.)
Dog Spirit: Ah, thanks, sweetie. You suuuck!

• Permalink: Lisa Simpson, you've doomed me. Me? How? By choosing the cut...
• Added: December 22, 2010