The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Krusty the Clown: Hey, hey, what's goin' on here?
Chief Wiggum: Krusty the Clown, you're under arrest for armed robbery. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say--Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Krusty the Clown: What is this, a joke?

Sideshow Bob: Hand over all your money in a paper bag.
Apu: Yes, yes. I know the procedure for armed robbery. I do work in a convenience store, you know.

Bart: But, dad, you're giving in to mob mentality.
Homer: No, I'm not! I'm hopping on the bandwagon. Now, come on, son. Get with the winning team.

Krusty the Clown: Hey, kids! Who do you love?
Audience: Krusty!
Krusty the Clown: How much do you love me?
Bart and Lisa: With all our hearts!
Krusty the Clown: What would you do if I went off the air?
Bart and Lisa: We'd kill ourselves!

Good people, I'm so happy you're all here tonight. But please, just a few words of caution. Now, we are going to set this pile of evil ablaze, but because these are children's toys, the fire will spread quickly, so please stand back and try not to inhale the toxic fumes.

Reverend Lovejoy

Lisa: Wait a minute. Krusty can't read.
Bart: Okay! Okay! So the poor guy can't read. Can't we get off his back, already?
Lisa: No! Don't you get it, Bart? How could Krusty have been reading a magazine if he can't read?
Apu: Hey, hey. This is not a lending library. If you're not going to buy that thing put it down, or I'll blow your heads off!

Sideshow Bob: Bart, children, this whole sordid affair has been a shock to all of us. But we must get on with our lives. Let's try to remember Krusty, not as a hardened criminal, but as that loveable jester who honked his horn and puttered around in his little car.
Bart: And shot you out of a cannon.
Sideshow Bob: And shot me out of a cannon. Yes, we will never forget that, will we?

Marge: Oh, my! All this senseless violence. I don't understand its appeal.
Bart: We don't expect you to, Mom.
Lisa: If cartoons were meant for adults, they'd put them on in prime time.

Good evening, again, Springfield. Krusty the Clown, the beloved idol of countless tots, now nothing more than a common, alleged criminal. His trial, which begins tomorrow, has taken center ring in a national media circus as children of all ages from 8 to 80 hang on each new development like so many Romanian trapeze artists.

Kent Brockman

Scott Christian: Why did the clown cross the road? To rob a Kwik-E-Mart. The news story behind that enigmatic half-joke right after this commercial message.
Homer: Wait a minute. Bart, you know that guy on your lunchbox?
Bart: Oh, you mean, Krusty the Clown?
Homer: He's sort of a hero of yours, isn't he?
Bart: Are you kidding? He's my idol! I've based my life on Krusty's teachings.

Judge Snyder: Can it be that the champion of child literacy can't even read himself?
Krusty: Is it a crime to be illiterate?
Prosecutor: All right, all right. See this, Krusty? (Holds up an evidence label with a "B" on it.) This is a "B." And this is exhibit B. (Holds up betting slips.) Betting slips--obtained by this court indicating that you have lost substantial sums of money on sports gambling.
Krusty: Is it a crime to bet on sporting events?
Prosecutor: Yes, it is!
Krusty: Oh.

My young friends, for years I have been silent, save for the crude glissandos of this primitive wind instrument. (Holds up slide whistle.) But now, destiny has thrust me into the center ring. In the coming weeks, you will notice some rather sweeping changes in our program. Please do not be alarmed. Itchy and Scratchy will still have a home here. But we will also learn about nutrition, self-esteem, etiquette, and all the lively arts.

Sideshow Bob
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 13 in total

The Simpsons Season 1 Episode 12 Quotes

My young friends, for years I have been silent, save for the crude glissandos of this primitive wind instrument. (Holds up slide whistle.) But now, destiny has thrust me into the center ring. In the coming weeks, you will notice some rather sweeping changes in our program. Please do not be alarmed. Itchy and Scratchy will still have a home here. But we will also learn about nutrition, self-esteem, etiquette, and all the lively arts.

Sideshow Bob

Krusty, I'm man enough to admit I was wrong, and I'm sorry I fingered you in court. I sincerely hope that the horrible stories I heard about what goes on in prison are exaggerated

Homer