The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 5 Episode 21: "Lady Bouvier's Lover" Quotes
Oh, it's not a swindle. What you do is, see, you give them all your credit card numbers, and if one of them is lucky, they send you a prize.
Grampa
Troy McClure: Hello! I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as The Boatjacking of Supership 79 and Hydro: the Man With the Hydraulic Arms.
(Bart answers the door)
Man: Yeah, hi. I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
Bart: That's me.
Man: (Punches Bart in the face.) Don't write no more letters to Mr. Sinatra.
(doorbell rings Bart answers it)
Teenager: I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
Bart: Uh that's me.
Teenager: (Punches Bart in the face.) Stop stealing golf balls from the driving range!
(Doorbell rings)
Man: (Through door) Homer Simpson! I've got a uh special delivery for you.
Bart: Go away.
Man: If you do not open the door, Mr. Simpson I cannot give you your special delivery.
(Bart sees it's his animation cell he ordered.)
Man: Here's your special delivery.
Bart: Thanks...
Man: (Punches Bart in the face.) And that's for keeping me waiting.
Lisa: Hey, where's Grampa? Wasn't he invited to the wedding?
Bart: Yeah. But his reply envelope just had a check to the gas company in it.
Marge: I have a neat idea. Why don't you get my mother and we can go out to dinner?
Grampa: I'll be back in a jiffy! (gets an old lady in a wheelchair)
Marge: That's not my mother!
Grampa: I'll be back in a jiffy!
Old Lady: Can I come too?
(Homer rolls up his car window)
Old Lady: Oh.
No groaning in my store.
Comic Book Guy
Homer: Marge, please, old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.
Marge: Homer, would you please stop reading that Ross Perot pamphlet?
(ordering things over the phone with Homer's wallet) Do you accept the Federal Breast Inspector's card? ...License to Ogle? Vica...Oh, yes of course that's what I meant, Visa. It's these new dentures
Bart
Grampa: Would it be all right with you if I just laid down in the street and died?
Lawyer: Yes, that would be acceptable.
Mrs. Bouvier: I swear, Monty, you are the devil himself.
Mr. Burns: I...Who told you?! ...Oh, ah, yes.
Bart: (Imitating Grampa and Jacqueline) Don't forget the Smeckler's powder.
Grampa and Jacqueline: Don't make fun!
Hello, everyone except Homer.
Patty
