Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

Roger Myers Jr.: I'm proud to offer your viewers these hand-drawn Itchy and Scratchy animation cells. Each one is absolutely, positively, one hundred percent guaranteed to increase in value.
Voiceover: (very quickly) Not a guarantee.

You know, you remind me of a poem I can't remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I'm not sure I've ever been to.

Grampa

Marge: Homey, you know, it's funny. Both my mother and your father seem pretty lonely.
Homer: (chuckling) That is funny.

Oh, it's not a swindle. What you do is, see, you give them all your credit card numbers, and if one of them is lucky, they send you a prize.

Grampa

Troy McClure: Hello! I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such films as The Boatjacking of Supership 79 and Hydro: the Man With the Hydraulic Arms.

(Bart answers the door)
Man: Yeah, hi. I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
Bart: That's me.
Man: (Punches Bart in the face.) Don't write no more letters to Mr. Sinatra.
(doorbell rings Bart answers it)
Teenager: I got a special delivery for Homer Simpson.
Bart: Uh that's me.
Teenager: (Punches Bart in the face.) Stop stealing golf balls from the driving range!
(Doorbell rings)
Man: (Through door) Homer Simpson! I've got a uh special delivery for you.
Bart: Go away.
Man: If you do not open the door, Mr. Simpson I cannot give you your special delivery.
(Bart sees it's his animation cell he ordered.)
Man: Here's your special delivery.
Bart: Thanks...
Man: (Punches Bart in the face.) And that's for keeping me waiting.

Lisa: Hey, where's Grampa? Wasn't he invited to the wedding?
Bart: Yeah. But his reply envelope just had a check to the gas company in it.

Marge: I have a neat idea. Why don't you get my mother and we can go out to dinner?
Grampa: I'll be back in a jiffy! (gets an old lady in a wheelchair)
Marge: That's not my mother!
Grampa: I'll be back in a jiffy!
Old Lady: Can I come too?
(Homer rolls up his car window)
Old Lady: Oh.

No groaning in my store.

Comic Book Guy
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