The Simpsons
Sundays 8:00 PM on FOXThe Simpsons Season 3 Episode 14: "Lisa the Greek" Quotes
Lisa: Dad, you must have bought me every Malibu Stacy accessory there is!
Homer: Not quite. They were out of Malibu Stacy lunar rovers.
Homer: You see, Lisa, your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's okay in the Bible.
Lisa: Really? Where?
Homer: Uh, somewhere in the back.
Marge: Homer, those were very thoughtful presents, but you have to tell me where you got the money from.
Homer: All right, Marge, I'll tell you, but first you have to promise you will not get mad.
Marge: I promise I will get mad, because I always do when you make me promise I won't.
Homer: All right, if you must know. Lisa and I have been gambling on pro football.
Marge: Homer!
Homer: You promised you wouldn't get mad!
Marge: I did not! She's an eight year old girl!
Homer: Marge, she never loses. Aren't parents supposed to encourage their kids whenever they show talent?
Marge: But gambling is illegal.
Homer: Oh, only in 48 states. Besides, it's a victim less crime. The only victim is Moe!
Lisa: How's the game going?
Bart: "You hate dad" is up by a touchdown.
Larry: What you got riding on this?
Homer: My daughter.
Larry: What a gambler!
Listen mister, I've been gambling since I was eight and I've been hocking jewelry since I was twelve!
Adult Lisa
"Smooth" Jimmy Apollo: Well, when you're right 52% of the time, you're wrong 48% of the time.
Homer: (yelling at the television set) Why didn't you say that before?!
Lovejoy: Well, I'm glad some people could resist the lure of the big game.
Guy: Oh my god, I forgot the game!
Moe: I'm sorry Homer, you can't take any more of my money, I'm out of the bookie business.
Barney: But Moe, you've been taking bets all
Moe: Hey Barney, how bout a free beer!
Barney: Wow!
Homer: Don't worry, Moe, I'm not betting.
Moe: What!? Gimmie that.
Barney: Ooow!
Homer: Boy, I know you're gonna like your present.
Bart's Present: Shuddup, shuddup, kiss my butt, shuddup, go to hell, go to hell!
Bart: Dad, I promise I'll never get tired of this.
Waiter: Hello, I'm Marco, and I'll be your waiter.
Homer: Hello, I'm Homer and I'll be your customer!
Waiter: Hmmhaven't heard that one before.
Uh, mom, could you loosen my blanket a little? Dad tucked me in too tight and it's cutting off the circulation in my arms and legs.
