Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The-simpsons

Homer: Boy, I know you're gonna like your present.
Bart's Present: Shuddup, shuddup, kiss my butt, shuddup, go to hell, go to hell!
Bart: Dad, I promise I'll never get tired of this.

Waiter: Hello, I'm Marco, and I'll be your waiter.
Homer: Hello, I'm Homer and I'll be your customer!
Waiter: Hmmhaven't heard that one before.

Uh, mom, could you loosen my blanket a little? Dad tucked me in too tight and it's cutting off the circulation in my arms and legs.

Homer: Oh, well, you like ice cream don't you?
Lisa: Uh-huh.
Homer: Don't you like ice cream better when it's covered in hot fudge?... and mounds of whipped cream?... choc nuts, and those crumpled up cookie things they put on top! Mmmmcrumpled up cookie things.

TV - Coach: You want some of this don't you?
Homer: Yeah!
TV - Coach: Well, you need to know the winner, and I know the winner! So call me nowwhoah. (speaking faster) Five dollars for the first minute, two dollars for each additional minute!
(Homer calls)
Phone Message: You.... have reached... the... coaches... hot...
Homer: Line...
Phone Message: Line...
Homer: Yeah, lay it on me, coach!
Phone Message: In the game of.... Mi..am..i..
Homer: Mmmhmm.
Phone Message: Versus Cin..
Homer: Cincinnati...
Phone Message: Cin...
Homer: Cincinnati...
Phone Message: nat..
Homer: Cincinnati...
Phone Message: ti...
Homer: Come on, come on, don't you realize this is costing me money!!
Phone Message: We must consider... many... things.... The wind...
Homer: D'oh, not the wind!
Phone Message: Is blowing out of the....west.
Homer: Oow...
Phone Message: At five...
Homer: Miles per hour!!!
Phone Message: miles...
Homer: D'oh, this is ridiculous!

Marge: Well, do you ever take an interest in anything he does?
Lisa: Well, we used to have burping contests but I outgrew it.

Lisa: Dad, I'm making the Chiefs my 5 star silver bullet special. And with your blessing, I'd like to tie it to the Cowboys, plus 5 in Chicago.
Homer: Good, Good. You Call Moe.
Lisa: (Dials phone) Hello, Moe? It's L.S. calling for H.S--
Moe: Just give me the numbers Lisa.

Lisa: Wouldn't it be fun if we watched the game together?
Homer: Eeeeeh.....okay, just don't say anything and sit down over there...... Over.... over.... over.....over....
Lisa: (sighs)
Homer: Lisa! Please! I can't hear the announcers!
Lisa: He said Denver just fumbled.
Homer: D'oh!

And when the doctor said I didn't have worms anymore, that was the happiest day of my life!

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